My partner, Sarah, and I gathered our three children on the couch for a special surprise. Max, our 9-year-old, sat there in a superhero T-shirt and shorts, his hair tousled and eyes wide with the hope that we were revealing a new gaming console. Lily, our 7-year-old, was decked out in her favorite princess costume, radiating excitement about whatever surprise awaited. Our youngest, Mia, was glued to a movie on the iPad, the only way to keep her still for this big moment.
After months of saving, we had finally booked a family trip to Disneyland. This was a significant achievement for us; both Sarah and I work in education, and we live modestly in a small house in rural Oregon. This would be our biggest family vacation ever—three days at the park, staying at the Disneyland Hotel, complete with park hopper passes. We had countless conversations leading up to this moment, imagining the joy our kids would feel and how rewarding this trip would be. We had even planned in secret, wrapping the passes in gift paper and sneaking them into our discussions after the kids were asleep.
As we presented the wrapped package to our oldest two, they eagerly tore it open. Sarah and I exchanged glances, both anticipating their delighted reactions.
“What’s this?” Max asked, his voice void of enthusiasm.
“They’re passes to Disneyland!” Sarah exclaimed with excitement.
“Oh…” Max replied, sounding as nonchalant as if we had just informed him of peanut butter and jelly for lunch.
Lily mirrored this ambivalence, and I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me. I glanced at Sarah; her face mirrored my confusion and frustration. The tickets lay forgotten on the floor. Max had already put his headphones on and returned to his game, while Lily ambled off to her room. No cheers, no clapping—just silence. Ummm, what just happened?
As parents, we can interpret moments like this in various ways. Perhaps our kids are spoiled and accustomed to surprises like this. However, I don’t believe that’s the case, considering our last major family trip was five years ago when we visited a free zoo. Alternatively, it could suggest we hadn’t properly instilled an appreciation for the magic of Disneyland in them. I recall childhood tales of the Magic Kingdom, shared by both kids and parents alike.
But I think the real issue, which many parents face, is that we project our childhood excitement onto our kids, assuming they will share our feelings about experiences we cherished. Parents often do this with sports; they cheer from the sidelines, urging their kids to have fun or take it seriously, while the child sits bored, picking at the grass.
Both Sarah and I had fond memories of visiting Disneyland as children, and it was a highlight for us. For me, it was a rare moment with my father before he left my mother, and it’s one of the few positive moments I have of him. But our kids simply hadn’t experienced Disneyland yet; they didn’t know what to be excited about, leading them to shrug off our big reveal. They lacked the emotional ties and memories that Sarah and I carried.
In that moment, I felt offended and bewildered. I questioned if I was failing as a father.
“Really?” Sarah asked, bewildered. “You don’t care?” She brought Lily back in to describe all the princesses and enchanting experiences awaiting her. We told Max about the thrilling rides and characters, including Star Wars attractions. This led us to watch videos online, slowly igniting their excitement. Success!
Ultimately, our trip turned out to be incredible. The kids enjoyed every moment, and now that they’ve had the experience, I know their reactions would be different if we surprised them again with Disneyland passes. What we learned that day is that our children are still discovering the world. We cannot expect them to share our enthusiasm for something they’ve never encountered.
Most importantly, we must remember that their interests may differ from ours, and that doesn’t make them ungrateful. It simply means they are unique individuals with their own perspectives. And let me tell you, I’m relieved they had a blast at Disneyland because it was quite the investment!
For more insights on family experiences, be sure to check out this related post from our other blog. And if you’re considering home insemination, resources like this one from the CDC are invaluable.