I carefully approach my teenager’s room, bracing myself for the warmth and unmistakable scent of a sleeping teen. The late morning sun filters through the hastily drawn curtains, illuminating a cozy, messy space where my daughter lies buried under blankets. The likelihood of her emerging from her slumber before noon? Slim to none. At least it’s the weekend.
Meanwhile, the rest of the house is alive with activity. My partner is whipping up French toast, my younger child is strumming chords on the guitar, and the kindergartner is constructing a foam block fortress for her stuffed animals, eagerly awaiting her second breakfast. I’m busy baking muffins for an upcoming soccer game, drafting a grocery list, and tackling the crossword.
Being productive is our default mode. It often feels like if you’re not engaged in some activity — or juggling multiple tasks — you’re somehow falling behind. This mindset comes with a hefty dose of guilt, especially for us moms.
But not for the bleary-eyed American Teenager.
After a deep sleep that lasts well into the afternoon, my daughter might eventually wander into the kitchen for pancakes, leftover brownies, and a side of soy bacon. If I attempt to engage her in conversation, I’m met with one-word responses. Soon after, she retreats back to her room, snacking on microwave popcorn while binging on a show from her laptop.
Her space is a chaotic mess (though she seems to know where everything is), and when I ask her to tidy up, walk the dog, or fold her laundry, her reaction is akin to me requesting a thorough scrubbing of the toilet with a toothbrush. Essentially, she exhibits a distinct lack of motivation when it comes to contributing to family life — and there’s a solid reason behind it.
It’s undeniably frustrating when I ask her to take on a task, and she either agrees but doesn’t follow through, pretends she didn’t hear me, or outright complains about not wanting to. Sure, kid, there are plenty of things I’d rather not do, yet I get them done anyway.
Life can be draining and overwhelming, but I’m an adult, while she’s a tired teenager navigating the complexities of the 21st century. If I had to face her weekly schedule, I’d probably be lounging in my pajamas, avoiding responsibilities beyond eating and bathroom breaks.
This girl spends seven hours at school, dedicates three hours every afternoon to sports — longer for games — and then tackles about two hours of homework each night. She somehow manages to squeeze in a social life, both online and offline. Given the fleeting family time, it’s no wonder she feels completely wiped out by the weekend.
But it’s not just the demanding schedules that lead to teenagers appearing lethargic during their free time. There’s actual science at play. Frances E. Jensen, MD, explains in her book that adolescents are biologically inclined to be “night owls,” meaning their internal clocks give them a boost of energy right around the time most adults are winding down. This is because melatonin, the sleep hormone, is released about two hours later in teenagers than in adults.
I’ve lost count of the weeknights when I hear my daughter bustling around her room while I’m drifting off to sleep. Unfortunately for her, early mornings for school are a must, so like many teens, she’s perpetually sleep-deprived. A study by the National Sleep Foundation found that 76% of high school students in the U.S. fail to get the recommended nine hours or more of sleep on weeknights.
Moreover, sleep deprivation isn’t the only factor that makes teens seem more sluggish than energetic. Scientists previously believed that brain development halted after puberty, but research shows that children undergo another growth spurt around ages 11 or 12, continuing into adolescence. This phase creates an abundance of synapses, the connections between neurons.
Teens require ample rest for their brains to develop properly, consolidate learning, and eliminate unused synapses. If they miss out on sleep during the week, their bodies will seek to make up for it on weekends. What appears to be laziness is often a manifestation of genuine fatigue and essential brain and body growth.
While science doesn’t excuse all of my daughter’s behavior, it does shed light on why she can be irritable and reluctant to engage on weekends. I come from a generation that prizes busyness, where lengthy to-do lists equate to importance. However, as I age, I realize how absurd and tiring this mindset can be. Who says adults can’t benefit from more rest and downtime? Michael Lewis, the bestselling author of works like Moneyball and The Big Short, suggests that doing nothing may be the secret to success. How ironic that my daughter has grasped this concept at just 14, while I’m still darting around like a cat on a sugar rush. Perhaps an all-day sleep-in is in my future.
For more insights on the topic of home insemination, you can check out this informative post. Additionally, if you’re seeking guidance on fertility, visit this resource for men’s health and fertility boosters. For a comprehensive overview of intrauterine insemination, this article is an excellent resource.
In summary, having a laid-back teen is a reality that can be managed. Understanding the biological and psychological factors at play helps to alleviate some of the frustration that comes with navigating family life and adolescent behavior.