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From Special Needs Child to Special Needs Parent: A Journey of Understanding and Gratitude
Updated: May 3, 2023
Originally Published: April 29, 2023
As an experienced mother, I’ve come to recognize the significance of that worn paper grocery bag filled with a carefully organized collection of schoolwork. It symbolizes years of sorting, reminiscing, contemplating, and sometimes losing track of what mattered, only to finally gather everything up and hand it to my child.
Although I haven’t yet reached the point of passing on my own collection, I recently received a glimpse into my past during a visit to my parents. My mother, in her typical fashion, presented me with a few childhood keepsakes.
I have a vague recollection of receiving such items before, though the specifics elude me. I recall some high school notebooks and a copy of a classic text that bored me to tears, alongside a notebook that belonged to my sister, which contained a phone number and the name “Lucy” scrawled in her handwriting. Beneath it, my own handwriting declared, “is a jerk.”
This time, however, the bag contained something different. It opened with some early writing samples that were nearly impossible to decipher. There were countless letter reversals and misspellings, prompting me to sound out words aloud in hopes of clarity. Yet, amidst the chaos, a story began to unfold. There were notes from teacher conferences, test results indicating both cognitive strengths and struggles with spelling, and a card from a doctor that bore the words “learning disability.”
Later projects showcased my painstakingly crafted sentences, with my mother’s neat penmanship taking over to articulate my thoughts more clearly. Toward the end, I found a five-page report on Vermont adorned with stenciled letters, pasted photos from vintage National Geographic magazines, and several paragraphs composed of correctly spelled sentences. One sentence stood out: “Vermont is a place where horseback riding is very common, which is why I want to live there!”
By the time I finished sifting through the contents, I felt a wave of emotion—not for Vermont, but for the labor I saw reflected in those papers. It was a testament to my mother’s dedication to my education. I understood my story well: I was dyslexic. I excelled in standardized tests yet struggled with written assignments due to my spelling challenges. But this bag was proof of my mother’s unfaltering support.
Now, as a parent of children with learning differences, I empathize with the struggle of helping a frustrated child make sense of letters that seem to dance on the page. I understand the anxiety of questioning whether my involvement is aiding or obstructing their learning. We’ve navigated the process of obtaining support and advocating for their needs, and currently, two of my children have Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) in place. Despite the support we receive from educators and the wealth of knowledge on learning differences, the journey remains challenging.
I hold deep admiration for my mother, who advocated for me without the resources we have today. Her efforts helped me thrive academically, leading me to New York University and a career as a writer. Now, I find myself guiding my children through their educational ups and downs, advocating for them just as my mother did for me. I even have a box of their papers that I hope to organize into neat stacks for them, much like my own grocery bag of memories.
This narrative highlights the importance of advocacy and support in the lives of children with learning differences. If you’re interested in exploring more about this topic, check out this blog post, or visit Make A Mom for valuable insights on fertility journeys. For those seeking further information about pregnancy options, Healthline offers excellent resources.
In summary, my journey from being a special needs child to becoming a special needs parent has instilled a profound respect for my mother’s unwavering support. It has also equipped me with the understanding and compassion needed to advocate for my own children as they navigate their educational challenges.