It all begins long before bedtime. We have a queen bed with a sidecarred twin, yet our 3-year-old still ends up snuggling with us. After successfully nursing him to sleep, I try to sneak away to spend some quality time with my partner. But as soon as we settle down, little Max starts stirring. His cries begin—a whiny, restless sound that could either fade away or escalate into full-blown sobs. I reach over to cover him, gently patting his back, hoping he’ll settle. For a moment, he quiets down, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
Then the crying starts again. It’s nearly midnight, and this kid needs to sleep; he was up until 9 p.m. already. I wait, but the cries persist, growing louder. I stroke his hair, and he drifts into a fretful sleep filled with restless movements. I can already sense that it’s going to be a long night.
You see, it’s not just newborns who struggle with sleep—toddlers and preschoolers can be just as challenging.
At 6 a.m., Max is awake and demanding “mama milk.” Normally, I only nurse him at bedtime, but when I’m desperate for rest, I’ll make an exception. I groggily pull down my tank top, and he latches on like a hungry little fish. After what feels like an eternity—5 minutes? 15?—just as I begin to drift back into slumber, he’s yelling for “the other mama milk.” Fine, kid, whatever works.
I flip him over and repeat the nursing ritual, hoping it’ll buy me a few more minutes of sleep. But soon enough, Max decides it’s time to greet the day, sitting up and announcing, “I awake!” He bounds off to the living room, leaving me to wonder what chaos awaits. I can only hope my partner has brewed the coffee before work as I shuffle into the hallway.
According to parenting resources, children aged 1 to 2 need around 11 to 14 hours of sleep, including two naps, while 3- to 5-year-olds require 10 to 13 hours, typically with one nap that is usually dropped around age 5. My son, however, gave up his nap at the tender age of 2, so good luck with that. Experts suggest establishing a bedtime routine, discouraging nighttime wandering, and providing a comforting object to ease nighttime fears.
Interestingly, parenting author Julia Thompson notes that a toddler may wake at night due to struggles with autonomy. This could indicate a need for more independence in various aspects of their life, not just during sleep. Changes such as the arrival of a sibling, starting preschool, or even a shift in diet can affect sleep patterns. Factors like potty training, excessive daytime sleep, or an early bedtime might also play a role.
None of these theories seem relevant to Max’s sleep troubles, though. Thanks, but no thanks, parenting websites.
I’m not alone in this struggle. Fellow writer Lisa Green shares that her 3-year-old also battles sleep issues. “He’s impossible to put on a schedule,” she says. After trying various methods since he was an infant, she finally threw in the towel at 18 months. Now, he’s more nocturnal, sleeping during the day and wanting to party all night. I can totally relate.
As the experts at Parents suggest, my Max should still be napping once a day, but we learned the hard way that if he naps, he won’t sleep until 1 a.m. Sometimes, we can’t avoid him dozing off—like in the car—so we just pray he doesn’t snooze for too long, or it’ll throw off everyone’s sleep schedule.
Sleep expert Dr. Sarah Mitchell from the Pediatric Sleep Center states that around 40% of children have sleep issues by age 18. By “sleep issues,” she means any difficulty related to falling or staying asleep that impacts the child or family, which sounds about right. I’m relieved my kids are dealing with this early on.
My 7-year-old used to have similar struggles, but now he sleeps soundly through the night, almost every night. Thank goodness! I hold out hope that my other children will follow suit one day—what a glorious day that will be.
To all the parents of tough sleepers out there, remember, you’re not alone. We’re in this together.
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Summary
Toddler and preschooler sleep issues can be just as challenging as those faced by infants. Parents often find themselves navigating restless nights and early mornings, grappling with the complexities of their children’s sleep needs. Establishing a consistent bedtime routine and understanding the underlying factors that might disrupt sleep can help. Ultimately, solidarity among parents in similar situations can provide comfort and hope for better sleep in the future.