I have a tendency to share a lot about my life—sometimes too much. I often find myself spilling my thoughts in the simplest of conversations. It’s just part of my nature to be open and candid, and it often leads to intriguing discussions.
Not long ago, I was chatting with a colleague I had just met. We were engaging in some light banter about life—kids, vacations, you know, the usual. When she asked if I was married, I responded with my standard answer: “No, but I’m in a relationship with my child’s father. We’re together but live separately.”
Her reaction mirrored what I often encounter—a look of confusion. Unconventional setups like mine can be hard to grasp, especially across generational divides. Then, she remarked, “Well… that’s an intriguing arrangement. Kids today face so much dysfunction. Broken homes seem to be the norm; nobody stays together anymore.”
Dysfunction. I despise that term when it’s used to describe families.
Broken. I can’t stand that word in relation to homes.
This prompted me to reflect: Why on earth do we label families from divorced backgrounds as “dysfunctional”? It’s a rhetorical question, yet my irritation lingers.
The notion that divorce equates to dysfunction and brokenness should not be perpetuated. While those feelings may be temporary during a divorce, they should not define a family. Such labels are harmful. We hear them less often now as divorces have become commonplace, but using these negative descriptors for families that don’t adhere to the fairy tale ideal is unjust.
My family isn’t dysfunctional. We are not broken. My child shouldn’t think otherwise. Had her father and I remained married, living in an unhealthy environment filled with arguments and tension, wouldn’t that have been broken? Wouldn’t that have been dysfunctional?
Now, she experiences life in two homes. She spends half the week at one and the other half at the second. Yes, challenges arise from this arrangement, and we had our concerns when this significant change occurred. However, at the end of the day, she has two loving parents who provide her with a functioning family, regardless of the divorce label.
Hearts may have been hurt by the divorce, but they are on the mend. It’s essential to recognize that our new normal is not dysfunctional. We must abandon the pursuit of perfection regarding family dynamics. Perfection doesn’t exist—anywhere. Let’s put an end to these stigmas.
Every family adapts because they must. Those of us who have navigated separation and divorce continue to function. This process isn’t easy; it’s often messy, and can sometimes get quite ugly. Yet it was likely messy even within the traditional marriage framework.
It’s about redefining, not dysfunction. Not broken.
We know our children bear the impact of divorce. As parents, we’re acutely aware of this. However, we don’t need to reinforce ugly labels. We don’t need to perpetuate the idea that we simply threw in the towel on our marriages, as if it were an easy choice. No one knows the full story behind our closed doors. Only we understand the reasons for our decisions and what we need to do to thrive.
This perspective extends to divorced families who have remarried and now include stepchildren. These are beautiful, extended, blended families—many are. They don’t always resemble the idyllic image of a united family attending kids’ soccer games or visiting Disney World in matching shirts, but they do their best. Love prevails in all forms.
Ultimately, love for our children triumphs—always. As parents, we prioritize our children in every decision we make. The last thing we want is for them to carry labels like “broken” or “dysfunctional.”
Can we collectively strive for better understanding? Can we acknowledge that families in transition are doing the best they can? I didn’t grow up in a divorced household, but many of my friends who did are remarkable, thriving individuals. They are not broken; they are resilient.
All families are beautiful in their uniqueness. They are all functional in their own right, needing love more than perfection.
For more on navigating family dynamics, you can check out this excellent resource on family building options. If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, visit this informative link or see this authoritative source on home insemination kits for guidance.
In summary, it’s time to redefine our understanding of families shaped by divorce. We thrive in our unique structures, built on love and resilience rather than labels of dysfunction or brokenness.