The Guilt That Lingers After a Chaotic Morning

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I often wish mornings could be filled with the soothing sounds of birdsong and the beauty of sunrises. My ideal scenario includes preparing a wholesome breakfast for my kids, sitting down with them while looking effortlessly elegant in my silk robe, sipping herbal tea, and sharing bowls of fresh fruit and granola.

I would trade anything to get my children ready for school without feeling utterly drained, as though I’ve just run a marathon. Unfortunately, the daily morning routine in my home often sends me teetering on the edge of sanity, no matter how much I try to organize things the night before.

Even when I manage to pack lunches neatly arranged from oldest to youngest, someone inevitably waves a forgotten permission slip in my face while I attempt to apply mascara. If I conquer the paperwork and my kids meticulously place it in their binders, my daughter might suddenly declare that she must wear the only dirty jeans because “OMG, Mom, nothing else matches these shoes!” Cue the meltdown.

On the rare occasion that everyone is dressed appropriately and ready to leave, my youngest might let the dog out, who then sprints down the road to raid the neighbor’s garbage. Meanwhile, my oldest complains about his hair not cooperating, and I glance at the calendar to remember I was supposed to bake two dozen cupcakes for the school read-a-thon—cupcakes I have yet to make.

Every morning seems to bring its own set of challenges, and my frazzled appearance, often with just one eye adorned with mascara, is the last thing my kids see as they head off for the day. My hurried “I love you. Have a good day, but let’s try to keep it together tomorrow” usually echoes as they leave. Watching them walk away fills me with guilt, and sometimes, I can’t help but cry into the half-eaten toast resting in my lap.

I worry that these chaotic mornings set a tone for their day, just as they do for mine. I find myself daydreaming about ways to improve our routine, hoping to send them off without threats of taking away their devices or after-school snacks. I eagerly await their return home so I can mend the morning’s craziness.

When they pile back in after school, I wrap them in hugs and ask about their day, often caving in to give them an extra cookie because of my guilt. Then, just when I think I can turn things around, the bickering starts. I ask them to help with dinner or put away their laundry, and they suddenly become immobile. Shoes are left strewn across the floor, causing me to trip, and after five reminders, the dog still hasn’t been let out, resulting in an unwanted mess.

Before I know it, I’m losing my patience again, realizing that parenting is an endless cycle of challenges. Kids often need numerous reminders for even the simplest tasks and don’t seem to share the same guilt that plagues us moms when things don’t go as planned.

At dinner, when I ask about their favorite parts of the day, I’m met with laughter as they recall moments like “when you tripped over my shoes” or “when my permission slip stuck to your lip gloss.” When I apologize for my morning stress and express a desire to improve, my eldest simply stares blankly and asks, “You were stressed-out?”

To them, I’m just the source of entertainment, and despite the chaos, they still love me.

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In summary, the morning rush may be chaotic and filled with guilt, but through the laughter and love, we find our way, even in our most hectic moments.