It’s taken a lot of self-reflection for me to reach this point. Everyone told me that parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and they were right. After three years into this journey, I’ve realized something important: children don’t require extensive guidelines. They just need love, food, and naps.
Now, adults? They can really be a handful. Maybe it’s time they came with a manual. But they don’t, which is partly why I turned to therapy (the best decision I’ve ever made, by the way). I’ve spent countless hours examining my past, trying to understand those who have hurt or upset me, learning to “feel all the feels,” and ultimately letting go.
And you know what? I’ve gotten pretty good at it. I can twist my mind in all sorts of ways to understand someone’s viewpoint enough to forgive them. But there’s one group I will never grasp, empathize with, or forgive: those who chose to ignore my children.
According to my therapist, this behavior is more common than I’d like to believe. I often wonder how these individuals live with themselves. While I know I shouldn’t dwell on it, there are things that need to be said, and today, I’m ready to say them.
So, to those who vanished from my life when I became a parent, I have a question: What on earth is wrong with you? Do you genuinely think you can profess love for someone for years, only to disappear when they have kids? Do you believe I’ll think for a moment that you ever cared about me when my heart is now with my children, and you ignore their existence?
If you didn’t want to be part of my life, I could understand that. I’m not perfect; I have my quirks. I’m chronically late, and my humor can be overwhelming. Yet, you stuck around for all of that. But as soon as my first child was born, you became a ghost. Why?
At first, it stung. I was excited to share my joy and introduce you to this amazing little person I was sure you would adore. Look at my creation! But the phone calls went unanswered, and visits never materialized. I’m not asking you to stop everything and make a scrapbook of my kids, but a little interest would have been nice—just a hint that my children are part of my world. They are my kids, after all, and you supposedly cared about me.
I’m not hurt anymore. I’ve moved past that because here’s the truth: If you’re too absorbed in yourself to recognize the joy these children bring, that’s your loss. And it’s a significant one.
You’re missing out on so much. My son’s laughter is infectious, his hugs can light up even the darkest days, and his sense of humor is sharp—there’s nothing quite like a toddler’s perfectly timed joke. As for my daughter? She’s a little whirlwind, exploring the world at her own pace, and the sound of her tiny footsteps is pure music to my ears. If you’re okay with missing out on that, well, that’s a bit sad for you.
By checking out of my family just as we welcomed our children, you left the best part of the show. You took your overpriced souvenir T-shirt and left before the grand finale. And honestly, I’m sorry for you. These kids are extraordinary, and they have so much love to share.
It took a lot of therapy to reach this understanding, but I finally know where I stand. So, to those former friends and family members who ghosted when my kids came into the picture: If you don’t care enough to connect with the incredible children you’re missing out on, then you simply don’t deserve a place in their lives. And I genuinely hope you have a good life. Because we certainly will.
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Summary
This article reflects on the disappointment experienced when certain friends and family members disappeared after the author became a parent. It emphasizes the joy children bring and addresses the sense of loss for those who choose to ignore them. The author finds strength in therapy and ultimately concludes that those who are not interested in their children do not deserve a place in their lives.