As I sit here typing, I’m rocking a pair of well-worn pajama pants featuring a cartoon character from a decade ago (complete with a sizable hole — you’re welcome) and a T-shirt that has seen better days. My hair is pulled back in a ponytail, but not the chic and polished variety; it’s more like the hasty style you throw together when you hit snooze one too many times while trying to get the kids ready for school. And yes, I’m wearing my glasses because I didn’t have a moment to put in my contacts.
Sure, I wore those pajama pants for the school drop-off, but I threw on a jacket to cover them, so no one would be the wiser. Probably.
It’s still morning, which means I’m in the “safe zone” where many moms look just like me — frazzled and focused on everyone else’s needs, often forgetting to take care of themselves. But as the day progresses, the coffee kicks in. Showers happen, and jeans, bras, and shoes are donned. Makeup might get applied (well, maybe). Hair is brushed, and things begin to fall into place.
Unless they don’t.
We all have those days when the motivation to do anything but lounge around just isn’t there. The yoga pants stay on (because “yoga” is a stretch) and the dishes pile up, but hey, at least you’ve caught up on your favorite shows. These days, when limited, are beneficial for your mental health. They let you take a necessary break.
However, if those days become the norm, you might find yourself slipping into the perilous realm of “frumpy.” Though the term might sound amusing, it’s far from a lighthearted state of being. As someone who has swung from being high-maintenance to the bare minimum, I can attest that frumpiness is a real concern. It’s an easy trap to fall into, one that can creep up on you without warning.
Frumpiness often manifests itself in lacking the energy to care for your own needs while tending to your kids. It can mean neglecting personal hygiene and feeling like there’s no point in showering, dressing up, or even fixing your hair. It brings guilt and feelings of inadequacy, leaving you feeling unattractive and like a failure as a mother and as a woman. It can lead to isolation because you’re embarrassed about how much you’ve “let yourself go.”
Initially, frumpiness might feel liberating. It can seem practical when life is demanding, and you think you’re making sacrifices for your family. But it can stealthily consume you, dulling your confidence and eroding your self-worth until you hardly recognize the reflection staring back at you.
I’ve been there, and it’s a struggle that threatens to pull me back in at times. The antidote to frumpiness is self-care. That may mean starting with simple things, like showering more frequently. From there, you can take small steps—like giving your hair some deep conditioning, moisturizing your skin, or putting on some mascara if that’s your style. Assemble a decent outfit that includes real pants.
But remember, do this for yourself, not for anyone else. You deserve to feel good about yourself. Even if it means leaving the dishes for a bit or skipping the kids’ bath so you can enjoy a relaxing soak of your own, prioritize your well-being.
Reclaiming your sense of self is one of the best gifts you can give—not just to yourself but also to your family. They thrive not on a joyless shell, but on the vibrant, confident person you are. It won’t happen overnight, but even small efforts will lead you back to the amazing person you were before you started sacrificing pieces of yourself for everyone else. Take back your power and rediscover the joy of self-care.
Because, mama, you are worth it. It’s time to start treating yourself as such.
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In summary, while the demands of motherhood can lead to neglecting self-care, it’s vital to find a balance. Embrace small changes to prioritize your well-being, as it will benefit both you and your family in the long run.