Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen: I Was a Terrible Friend Until I Became a Parent

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I owe a big apology to everyone who had kids before I did. I was that friend who thought I had all the answers and judged everyone who was already in the parenting game. My partner and I naively assumed, “How difficult can it be to cook while caring for a newborn? They sleep all the time!” Spoiler alert: It’s incredibly hard.

Fast forward to when our supportive family left, and we were left to navigate the chaos alone. Seriously, how do I even go to the bathroom with a baby in my arms? I couldn’t set her down for a moment. Why is she crying so much? It felt like we hadn’t eaten in days! (Okay, maybe not days, but the reality of caring for a newborn hit us hard.)

We quickly learned just how challenging it is to prepare meals while tending to a tiny, demanding human (even a bowl of cereal felt like a major achievement!). My partner, who is an outstanding cook, had to manage everything else while our newborn had taken over my body. He even had to assist me with basic tasks because my C-section recovery left me feeling utterly drained, especially when my daughter kept trying to latch on and gnaw at me with her little gums.

And let’s talk about schedules: newborns don’t have them! They’re new to this world and have no idea whether it’s day or night. They simply don’t care. So, I sincerely apologize for being that judgmental friend before stepping into parenthood.

Here are some more foolish assumptions I made with the confidence of someone who had never changed a diaper:

I’m embarrassed and humbled by my past self. I owe every parent out there free babysitting for life and a gift basket filled with wine, coffee, and snacks to atone for my past transgressions.

1. Why are parents obsessed with sleep schedules? Can’t they just relax a little?
   Nope. That schedule is what keeps the house from descending into chaos. Let it slip a bit, and you might be fine. Let it slip a lot, and you’ll pay for it for what feels like years. Now that my kids are finally sleeping well, there’s no way I’m going to jeopardize that by being carefree. I get anxious if we’re out and it’s nearing nap time. The sleep schedule is everything.
2. Let’s just meet at a restaurant with a kids’ menu.
   Sure, but there’s no relaxing when you take a toddler to a restaurant. Can we meet at 11:15 a.m. for lunch? I need to ensure we don’t disrupt nap time. And if we plan for dinner, it better be at 5 p.m. because sleep is crucial. As for the kids’ menu? Those are the very items my little ones will decide are unfit for consumption that day. I may look composed (most of the time), but I’m not really relaxing.
3. Just get a sitter and join us!
   As lovely as going out sounds, I’d rather sink into my couch after the kids are asleep, indulge in ice cream, and watch something entirely inappropriate for children. Even when I do go out, I’m not fully present.
4. They always use their kids as an excuse.
   I get it now. No matter how fun the plans sound, your child is your top priority. A break is nice, but if your kid needs you, you’re there, even if they think they don’t. Yes, we absolutely use our kids as an excuse for dodging boring plans. And the sleep schedule? It’s the governing force in our lives. So, sorry, we can’t… the kids.
5. I can’t believe they let their kids act like that.
   Sometimes parents have to do what they must, whether it’s letting their child eat junk food or throw a tantrum. Maybe it’s an isolated incident because the schedule went out the window, or maybe it’s just a tough day. Tantrums are part of growing up, and kids are unpredictable little bundles of energy.

So, please accept my apologies. Parenting is a humbling experience and a real wake-up call. Perfection is a myth, and that’s perfectly fine. We can still catch up, as long as it doesn’t interfere with nap times or involve strange foods (which, let’s face it, is basically all food). Here’s to solidarity, fellow parents!

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Summary:

This heartfelt apology reflects on the author’s previous judgments about parenting before experiencing it firsthand. The piece humorously highlights misconceptions about parenting struggles, sleep schedules, and the realities of dining out with kids. It underscores the importance of understanding and empathy among parents, acknowledging that the journey of parenthood is both challenging and humbling.