Amidst a whirlwind of juice boxes, scraped knees, laughter, and chatting parents, I find myself at the playground once again. This location has become a hub for various parenting approaches and personality types. There are adorable toddlers, testing the limits of their bravery, and elementary schoolers, displaying their amusing precociousness.
Then there’s my child, the “shy” one.
The playground has served as a refuge since my daughter was an infant. What began as just a place to visit evolved into a crucial environment for her social growth. From the ages of 2 to 4, she was incredibly timid—so much so that she would often hide in a corner, covering her face when friends or even family tried to engage with her. It was concerning.
Then came the birthday parties. For some reason, whenever anyone sang “Happy Birthday” to her, she would erupt into a fit of tears, turning the cheerful occasion into chaos. The stress of these events led me to avoid birthday gatherings altogether for a while. It was both embarrassing and frustrating.
On top of that, I faced unsolicited remarks suggesting my daughter might be on the autism spectrum because she sometimes struggled with eye contact. Those comments were tough to bear. Thankfully, our pediatrician reassured us that her shyness was simply part of her personality. So, we kept visiting the playground, hoping it would help her social skills. We would go two or even three times a week, making it a regular part of our lives. Since she wasn’t in daycare or school at that time, the playground became her space to learn about sharing, playing, and conversing with peers.
Gradually, my daughter began to make friends. Slowly but surely, playdates followed, and she started to emerge from her shell. By age 4, she began preschool. The initial days were marked by her usual shyness, and I was filled with worries.
Then something shifted. After just a week in preschool, she transformed into a cheerful and outgoing child, making friends effortlessly. While she retained a hint of shyness, it was nothing like before. Now, she thrives.
So, what’s my takeaway from this experience?
Having navigated the challenges of my child’s shyness, I often encounter parents grappling with similar issues. They’re understandably anxious about their child being “too shy” or reluctant to engage with others. I feel for them because I’ve been in their shoes.
The anxiety these parents feel often stems from not just the difficulty of managing a child who stays close to them or struggles to socialize, but also from judgmental comments from friends and family. They have to endure remarks like, “What’s wrong with him? Is that normal? Perhaps you should get that checked out.”
To those who make such comments, maybe it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself. You never really know the private battles a parent is fighting. Every parent has their own struggles, and they’re likely dealing with a lot without needing your unsolicited advice on top of it.
If a parent seeks your advice, certainly share your thoughts. But otherwise, it’s best to remain silent. Most parents are keenly aware if their child is not developing “normally” and are actively seeking solutions. Many lose sleep over their concerns.
In our case, my daughter gradually overcame her shyness. Other children may need different types of support, and that’s perfectly fine. What we needed was simply a playground and some time to grow.
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In summary, navigating a child’s shyness can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that each child develops at their own pace. With patience and the right environment, many children can thrive socially.