In my 20s, I dabbled in casual sex once with a guy I thought I liked—or maybe I just convinced myself I did. He was relocating to California soon, and I sensed that our time together was merely for fun. I told him I was on board with that, but deep down, I wasn’t so sure.
Honestly, those late-night calls and unexpected visits at 1 a.m. left me feeling undervalued. He was nice enough, but the physical aspect was disappointing, and I often questioned why I was engaging in something so personal with someone who clearly saw me as an afterthought. He didn’t even acknowledge my sexy lace underwear.
Perhaps loneliness played a role, or maybe I craved someone who would appreciate my new lingerie. Maybe I was foolishly hoping I could change his perspective, show him my worth, and then, perhaps, the incredible intimacy would follow. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.
After he left, I vowed to never put myself in that position again. I wanted emotional fulfillment and the prospect of a meaningful relationship—someone to share my life with, not just fleeting encounters with a guy who didn’t care about my pleasure.
Fast forward nearly 25 years, and I found a partner who respected me and shared my aspirations. However, after two decades of marriage, we drifted apart, and now I’m navigating the waters of divorce. Surprisingly, my outlook on casual encounters has shifted dramatically.
These days, my life revolves around work, household responsibilities, and managing my three kids’ schedules. I’m not interested in meeting anyone’s friends or having sleepovers. I relish the freedom of waking up in my own bed without anyone else there, diving straight into my morning routine.
I have no interest in worrying about someone’s feelings or dealing with discomfort over my lunch meetings with my ex. My underwear is for me; I buy it to feel empowered, not for anyone else’s approval.
For the first time, I genuinely crave casual, no-strings-attached encounters. This desire blossomed shortly after my husband moved out. I felt liberated and fulfilled, yet I was missing something—passionate sex. I longed for connection, for someone to touch and explore with. My trusty vibrator just wasn’t cutting it.
I wanted to don my sultry underwear, enjoy a nice dinner, and then lose myself in a night of pleasure, only to part ways afterward. I sleep better alone and would rather spend my free time with friends or family.
I’m not looking for a relationship; I’m seeking satisfaction—and that’s exactly what I’m finding. For the first time, I can openly admit that I want this kind of connection. I’m not juggling multiple partners; just one, since that’s all I have time for, and it’s incredibly fulfilling.
Women deserve the autonomy to engage in casual sex without stigma. It’s empowering to take charge of our own desires and bodies. In my 40s as a single mom, I don’t have time for the emotional baggage of my 20s; I’m focused on enjoying good sex, experiencing pleasure, and engaging in lighthearted conversation. And honestly, it feels amazing.
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In summary, my journey from a hesitant young woman to a confident, liberated individual in her 40s has taught me the value of self-empowerment and the joy of embracing casual intimacy on my own terms.