Trigger Warning: This article contains discussions around suicidal ideation.
Watching a loved one grapple with suicidal thoughts can be an incredibly painful experience. When that loved one is your child, the emotional toll is profound and unique. Witnessing your child battle depression and openly express a desire to end their life can shatter even the strongest of spirits. It is a burden that often feels isolating, as those who haven’t faced it may struggle to comprehend the depths of your despair. You might encounter well-meaning but hurtful comments such as, “They’re just seeking attention,” or “What did you do wrong as a parent?” This deep emotional struggle does not manifest as a visible illness like cancer, which tends to draw sympathy and support more readily. Yet, despite the darkness, there can be moments of light. Recently, I encountered two such moments.
Just last week, a dear friend, Sarah, inquired about my children during a drive. I have two wonderful boys, ages 8 and 9. As I shared the challenges my oldest son, Ethan, faces, including his autism and recent suicidal threats that led him to sign a safety plan with his therapist, I also spoke of my youngest, Noah, who, despite his charming demeanor, has been battling his own dark thoughts. Having been with me since he was a tiny 2-month-old baby, he too has faced suicidal ideation and has undergone inpatient treatment for self-harm.
Sarah looked at me with genuine compassion and asked, “How do you cope with that?” It was the first time someone had shown such understanding, prompting me to articulate how I manage this harrowing journey. Afterward, I realized the significance of her inquiry — it allowed me to reflect on my approach to parenting amidst such turmoil. If you find yourself in a similar situation with your child, perhaps you may resonate with my insights:
- Parent with No Regrets.
My children can be incredibly challenging, and I often have to pause before reacting to ensure I don’t act in a way that I might regret later. I make mistakes, but I always own up to them and reassure my kids of my unwavering love and support. Although I sometimes feel like I’ve failed, I strive to instill the knowledge of my love in their hearts. - Persevere.
I refuse to give up on advocating for Ethan and Noah, seeking every possible means of support for them. They seem to have come into this world bearing a heavy burden of shame and unworthiness, and I will continue to fight against that while encouraging them to advocate for themselves. With a supportive village behind them, we will stand strong together. I will do whatever it takes — from therapies to research and sleepless nights — to help them overcome the darkness that threatens their well-being. - Maintain Hope, Faith, and Grace.
I hold onto hope that these challenging times will pass and have faith that healing is possible. Should the unthinkable occur, my children will know that they have my grace and understanding. Life is fleeting, and my boys possess a faith that transcends this existence. They often speak of longing for peace, with one expressing a desire to escape the chaos of life.
During a particularly tough phase for Ethan, I reached out to his therapist to check on his progress at school. The therapist shared that he was doing well, but what struck me was her heartfelt acknowledgment of our struggles. That simple recognition was the comfort I didn’t know I needed. It highlighted the importance of empathy during such painful journeys.
Parents facing the challenge of raising children with suicidal thoughts often find themselves alone in their struggles. Unlike visible ailments, mental health issues often go unnoticed. However, there will be those rare individuals who provide support and understanding when you need it most.
So, fellow warriors, prepare yourselves by building a robust support network around you. Cherish the few who truly listen when you share your thoughts and feelings. For more resources on navigating these challenges, check out this excellent article from MedlinePlus.
In times like these, remember that you are not alone. Seek out communities and resources that can help, like this one or the experts at Make A Mom who can guide you on your journey.
Summary
Navigating the emotional landscape when your child expresses suicidal thoughts is incredibly challenging. It’s important to parent without regrets, persevere in seeking help, and maintain hope and grace even in the darkest times. Building a supportive network can provide essential comfort during these struggles.