I’ve always been someone who values openness. Some might even call it a flaw. I tend to overshare my life experiences with those I barely know. For example, during a casual chat about the rising costs of wedding gowns, I might reveal with a chuckle that I was three months pregnant when I walked down the aisle. Yes, I’m that person.
This candidness has often raised eyebrows at PTA meetings, but it has also fostered a strong, honest relationship with my kids. We discuss everything — and yes, we even tackle the topic of sex.
When I was a teenager, my friends and I referred to it as “the deed.” We giggled about who was experiencing it, debated whether we should, and worried about the implications. However, that was back in the ’80s, a time when parents typically avoided discussions about sex. If you got “the talk” at 16, you were lucky. Most of us had to navigate it all on our own.
Fast forward to 2023. Our perspectives have evolved. We should be more open-minded and communicative with our children, right? Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Many parents still hesitate to have regular conversations about sex, and if you find yourself among them, you’re missing a crucial opportunity.
Sexual content is rampant in today’s world. And let’s be clear, when I say “it,” I mean sex — the act itself, the intimacy, the complexities. If you think your child is unaware of these realities, think again. Studies show that around 85–90% of kids aged 13 and older in middle-class America have smartphones with internet access. Even if your child doesn’t own one, their peers likely do.
A concerning number of teens believe that online pornography reflects reality. “Not my kid!” some parents might say. However, research indicates that during adolescence, 93% of boys and 62% of girls encounter online pornography, whether they’re actively searching for it or not.
As our children navigate the tumultuous waters of puberty, they will have questions that need answers. It’s vital for them to turn to you for guidance. You want your voice to resonate in their minds when they face important decisions. Here are my five strategies for fostering open dialogue with your kids about sex and beyond. I’m not a sex expert; I’m just a dedicated mom. Here we go:
1. Listen Closely
Sometimes, big questions come wrapped in small inquiries. Pay attention, or you might miss them. Look for hints in their tone or expressions. Sometimes, silence is your best ally.
2. Engage, Don’t Preach
Converse about a variety of topics. Find a calm, distraction-free environment for deeper discussions, like during a car ride or a walk. Frequent, genuine conversations about everyday matters create a foundation for discussing more complex issues. Get to know their friends and ask specific questions about their day.
3. Practice Honesty
After the Santa phase, honesty is key. Be transparent about your challenges — financial, relational, or personal. Your children can sense when you’re not truthful. If you demonstrate honesty, they’ll feel comfortable coming to you with their own big questions.
4. Show Vulnerability
Your children want to connect with you as a person. Share some of your less-than-perfect moments — maybe a childhood mischief or a mistake you made. Relating your experiences helps them trust you and opens the door for them to share their feelings.
5. Embrace Humor
Don’t take everything too seriously, especially during tough times. A little laughter can go a long way in easing tension and strengthening family bonds. Kids appreciate a home where they can find joy even in challenging situations.
You might be wondering how these strategies relate to discussing sex with your kids. Here’s the truth: conversations about sex are less about the subject itself and more about the quality of your relationship. Openness, honesty, and love are the cornerstones. If you nurture these elements, discussing sensitive topics like sex will feel natural.
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In summary, fostering open communication with your children about sensitive topics like sex is crucial. It requires creating a foundation of trust, honesty, and understanding, which ultimately leads to deeper conversations.