Recently, I’ve been following the media coverage surrounding a deeply troubling incident in Steubenville. I’ve seen young men in tears—young men who violated a girl. The narrative often focuses on how these “promising” individuals have jeopardized their futures while the victim faces relentless criticism for being intoxicated. What strikes me as most heartbreaking is the absence of support for this girl during that horrifying night. Instead of defending her, onlookers laughed, took pictures, and even threatened her while defending the perpetrators. The ongoing blame directed at her for this horrific act of violence is unacceptable. We must strive to do better—not just for our children, but for everyone around us. Remember: rape is a crime, and it is never the victim’s fault.
As a mother of three daughters, I feel an overwhelming sense of fear. I want my girls to make wise choices, but I also yearn for them to grow up in a world that cares for one another. I hope they will be the ones who step up to help friends or even strangers in need. Regardless of the choices they make, the parties they attend, or the dances they go to, no one—absolutely no one—has the right to violate them. It is not their fault; it will never be their fault.
Reflecting back on my own experiences at 17, I was a cheerleader in a close-knit community, dating the popular boys. I often felt responsible for the situations I found myself in. I enjoyed partying, and yes, I sometimes drank too much. I thought I was in love with those boys, believing that they cared for me as much as I cared for them. I was labeled the “drunk girl,” and I took that label to heart.
One night, at a party, I had an intimate encounter with someone I thought was my boyfriend. It was dark, and in a moment of confusion, I realized he wasn’t who I thought he was. I struggled and screamed, but he overpowered me. In that moment, I was violated by someone I didn’t know, while my so-called boyfriend stood by. That wasn’t my fault. The following events only compounded my trauma as more friends were invited, and I was left feeling ashamed and alone.
For years, I internalized the blame, believing the hurtful words that labeled me as a “whore.” They left me curled up on a bed, sobbing, terrified of what would happen if I spoke out. I remember the laughter and the dismissive remarks—“boys will be boys”—as they left me in anguish. But now, after 27 years of reflection, I understand that it was never my fault.
By sharing my story, I hope to reinforce the message that we must support one another and reject the harmful narratives that perpetuate victim-blaming. We can do better for each other and create a safer environment for everyone.
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In summary, it is crucial to remember that the responsibility for such acts lies solely with the perpetrators. As a society, we must work together to foster an environment of support and understanding, ensuring that victims are never made to feel at fault.