After navigating the often tumultuous tween years with my eldest daughter, I’m hoping for a bit less emotional upheaval and more reasonable discussions. A mom can wish, right?
While raising a teenage daughter is definitely smoother than managing the whirlwind of the tween phase—thanks to my now steeled heart and nerves—I still face my share of challenges. I’m learning to balance my support as she discovers her identity, celebrating her achievements and helping her own up to her mistakes. She’s realizing that it’s perfectly okay to stumble, to seek my guidance when needed, and to revel in her own unique brilliance.
As I parent my teenage girl, I can’t help but reflect on my own experiences growing up in the ‘80s, and how times have changed. Yet, certain ’80s songs keep surfacing on my favorite playlists, and their titles resonate with my current life with my teen daughter:
- Duran Duran, “Girls on Film”
Or more accurately, Snapchat—this generation’s film (if only they knew what that really meant). My soon-to-be 14-year-old constantly snaps selfies and sends them out into the digital realm. Some are intentionally awkward, while others are genuinely beautiful (#nofilter). I remind her that what goes online is lasting, but she rolls her eyes and assures me she’s aware, then continues snapping away. - The Clash, “Should I Stay or Should I Go”
I often find myself guessing whether my daughter wants me around to assist with homework or social issues, or if she’d prefer I step back so she can handle things solo. Though my instincts are to hover, I recognize that learning to navigate life’s ups and downs independently is essential. I’m now more attuned to when she needs me versus when she’s got it under control. - Madonna, “Like a Virgin”
Conversations about sex come up frequently—much more than I ever discussed with my mom at her age. While part of me thinks “Abstinence!” the more relatable part recalls my own teen years filled with hormones. We discuss not just when it happens, but also how to communicate desires, practice safe habits, and build healthy relationships. Admittedly, it can be uncomfortable, but who ever said parenting teens was easy? - Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock, “Joy And Pain”
Despite her improved emotional regulation, my daughter still experiences those intense emotional surges—both joyful and tumultuous. Her tears, though fewer, are powerful, and her frustrations can ignite quickly. But her moments of joy? They’re just as fierce! Nail that math test? Time for cartwheels on the lawn and belting out “Eye of the Tiger”—obviously. - AC/DC, “Back in Black”
I once had a sweet daughter who wore princess dresses and pastel colors. Now, she’s transformed into an edgy teen clad in black—black leggings, ripped jeans, flowy black tees, and even chic little black dresses. Every so often, she’ll mix in a dark gray tank or a burgundy hoodie. Is this a phase or a lifelong style? Either way, she pulls it off. - Pet Shop Boys, “What Have I Done to Deserve This?”
When my daughter gives me the stink eye for seemingly trivial reasons—like forgetting a napkin or reminding her that her ride is coming in five minutes—I often wonder what I’ve done to deserve her ire. Then it hits me: I’m raising a teenager, and the answer is “nothing.” While this doesn’t excuse her behavior, it reminds me not to take it personally; her teenage brain is juggling a lot. - Salt-N-Pepa, “Push It”
If you thought setting boundaries for a toddler was challenging, wait until that toddler becomes a teen. For instance, “Mom, can you pick me up from Juliet’s house at 11 tonight? I found a ride there…” We have a no late-night rule on weekdays, but she’s hoping I’ll overlook it because she’s taken the initiative. I appreciate her proactiveness, but she’s definitely testing the limits of our agreement. With teenagers, it’s all about setting expectations while they learn to push back. - Simple Minds, “Don’t You (Forget About Me)”
In her quest for independence, my daughter sometimes bites off more than she can chew—academically or emotionally. She often seeks to tackle challenges alone or with her equally inexperienced friends. Yet, she sometimes forgets that her most reliable resource is just down the hall: me. I gently remind her that I was a teenage girl once too, and I’m always here for advice, support, or a simple hug. - Guns N’ Roses, “Sweet Child O’ Mine”
The most beautiful part of having a teenage girl is that I still see the sweet child she has always been. That essence is what she’s been nurturing all these years. Navigating the complexities of parenting a teen girl can be tricky, but as she pushes and pulls, rolls her eyes, and gives affectionate gestures while moving into adulthood, I’m confident she has a heart of gold.
Parenting a teen girl certainly keeps me agile, but as long as we maintain our communication—whether through selfies, candid conversations about life, fashion tips, or simple hugs—I believe we’ll come through just fine. Maybe I’ll even create her a mixtape.
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Summary
Navigating the teenage years with my daughter is a blend of nostalgia and modern challenges, filled with emotional highs and lows. From her obsession with selfies to our candid discussions about growing up, each experience echoes classic ’80s songs that resonate with our lives. While she learns to assert her independence, I embrace my role as a supportive guide, reminding her of the deep bond we share.