Recently, a humorous video titled “I’m Not Your Friend, Kid” made waves online. Created by vlogger Tara Miller, the video humorously argues that parents should avoid being friends with their children, as it might undermine their authority. While I chuckled along with Tara’s amusing antics, I found her central message a bit off-kilter.
In my view, it’s entirely possible to nurture a friendship with your kids while still teaching them important lessons about boundaries and discipline. I’m not a parenting guru, but after a decade of experience, I believe that fostering a strong bond of openness and communication with my children lays the groundwork for imparting essential life skills. Without that connection, it’s hard to imagine how I could effectively convey my messages or how they could truly grasp the lessons I aim to teach.
The Challenge of Housework
Take, for instance, my 9-year-old’s reluctance to help around the house. If left to his own devices, his socks would remain on the kitchen floor indefinitely. I’d have to remind him daily to clear his cereal bowl, or it would sit on the table until the milk curdled. His Pokémon cards would create a chaotic pile in his room, obstructing his path to bed. It simply hasn’t clicked for him yet that he can’t leave his belongings scattered everywhere and expect his parents to clean up after him. Recently, I realized I needed to change that.
Finding a Solution
How did I tackle this challenge? I won’t pretend I’m a flawless parent who can simply glare at him and have him comply. Parenting can be chaotic, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. In this case, I found that simply having a conversation worked best.
I know it sounds a bit absurd, but after trying out various tactics like yelling, withholding privileges, and pleading, I discovered that chatting with my son as if he were a friend was surprisingly effective. The timing was crucial, though. I couldn’t bring it up during our hectic daily routine. Instead, I chose to discuss it during our nightly talks, a cherished ritual where we set aside at least 15 minutes for just the two of us, free from distractions. These moments are when we truly connect, sharing our thoughts and feelings as equals.
During one of our evening conversations, I brought up the issue of housework. I explained that it’s challenging for me to maintain a tidy home when he leaves his things everywhere. I emphasized that he’s growing up now and it’s part of my role to help him become a responsible individual—someone who takes care of his own belongings. I could see the light bulb turning on in his mind—he understood. He expressed a desire to be a good person and to cooperate.
And he has been! I won’t claim it’s a flawless transition; there are still moments when three days’ worth of socks pile up on the kitchen floor, and he’ll look at me with a pleading expression, saying, “Mom, I’m so tired. Please just clean it up.” When I respond, “Sorry, kid, I can’t,” he eventually takes action and cleans up.
The Importance of Understanding
My goal is for my children to listen and cooperate, to grow into responsible citizens. However, I want them to comply not out of fear or merely to please me but because they genuinely understand the importance of being a good person. This is achieved through fostering trust and open communication—by being their friend.
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Conclusion
In summary, it’s perfectly acceptable to be friends with your children while teaching them essential life lessons. Building a strong connection through open communication can pave the way for cooperation and understanding, fostering responsible and kind individuals.