One essential truth about adulthood that rarely gets mentioned is that you better have a circle of friends ready to go, or you’ll find yourself navigating life solo—both literally and figuratively. After leaving the structured environment of school, gone are the days of group projects and awkward seating arrangements. There’s no longer a built-in social calendar with required activities.
While you may forge connections with colleagues at work, very few of those relationships transition into what I like to call “take-home friends.” These are the individuals who get to see the non-professional aspects of your life—those who resonate with you beyond office chatter, paychecks, and performance reviews. Occasionally, you might catch up with these take-home friends after hours or on weekends, and they’re the ones who will still be in touch even after you’ve moved on to new jobs. The others—those workmates you’ve spent countless hours with—often fade into the background after you leave.
Four years ago, I made a significant life change by leaving a stable corporate job, where I had both work friends and a couple of meaningful relationships, and relocated two hours away. This leap meant starting from scratch, as I no longer had a workplace or daily social interactions to rely on. I enrolled in a low-residency MFA creative writing program, which primarily involved online work, except for two ten-day residencies each year. While I did make friends through this program, many of them lived across the country in California.
So, what’s an adult without children or a typical job to do? Writing is not exactly a social venture, and spending time alone with my dog doesn’t quite foster new connections. Most days, I was content, thanks to my ability to maintain long-distance friendships and an online community.
Then, something surprising happened. I began training to be a guide at a local historic house museum. My fellow trainees were a diverse bunch, with varying backgrounds and life stages—parents, singles, married folks. There was a real estate agent, a landscape architect, a modeling agent, and even someone with over two million frequent flyer miles. We spent hours together studying and sharing experiences, going on tour after tour as we prepared for our auditions.
As we tackled a hefty amount of information needed for our roles, we started a group email chain to swap tips, photos, and anything that could aid our training. Before we knew it, we had established real friendships—“take-home friends.” After our final training day, we gathered for dinner at the real estate agent’s house. There, on her deck, we shared stories and laughter, delving into topics beyond our training.
I was genuinely taken aback by how quickly I had formed such strong connections. “I feel like I can be myself with you all,” I exclaimed, realizing that my comfort stemmed from the absence of competitive pressures. One of my new friends pointed out that we had no reason to compete, unlike in a traditional job where promotions and accolades create tension.
Work friendships often come with an undercurrent of competition; we’re always vying for a limited number of rewards. Even in collaborative environments, maintaining a professional facade is usually necessary. I suspect similar dynamics exist in parent groups or on sports teams. As adults, we often feel the need to play a role, presenting the best version of ourselves, even if it’s a curated representation.
In the past four years, I’ve become more comfortable with who I am. Whether it’s a result of aging or embracing my new career path, I’ve shifted from worrying about how others perceive me to genuinely valuing the unique qualities of my friends. We entered this friendship as equals, united by a challenging intellectual pursuit, and celebrated each other’s triumphs without jealousy.
This experience has shown me what it means to cultivate lasting friendships in adulthood, and I hope this group will continue to enrich each other’s lives for years to come. Whatever the future holds, we began our journey with authenticity and openness, which surely counts as a significant aspect of adulting, right?
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Summary
Building friendships as an adult can be challenging, especially after leaving the structured environment of school. This journey can be rewarding, as demonstrated through the author’s experience with a diverse group of trainees at a museum. By focusing on authenticity and shared experiences rather than competition, it’s possible to form meaningful connections that enrich our lives.