Last weekend, I found myself in a whirlwind of chores: mowing the lawn, showering, vacuuming, and preparing for a gathering. Amidst the chaos, my 9-year-old son, Max, requested a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. “Can’t you whip that up yourself?” I replied. “But Mom,” he insisted, “I want you to do it.”
Of course, he does. I wish someone would make me sandwiches too! But he needs to learn. A few years back, I realized that my two older kids, then 8 and 6, had never even buttered toast. Seriously? I’ve always encouraged my kids to be independent and tackle their own tasks, from homework to tidying up. So, the fact that they couldn’t manage something as simple as buttering bread was a bit shocking.
The core of the issue is the desire to help. Take the grilled cheese scenario, for instance. “Why don’t you give it a shot? I’ll be right here if you need me.” As I continued to clean, he responded with a whine, “But I have no idea how.” I’m pretty sure he knows the basics, but okay. Deep breath. “What do you think we should do first?”
I’ll spare you the entire 10-minute saga, which began with my bright child—who had witnessed countless grilled cheese preparations—claiming he couldn’t even begin to guess the first step. He thought it might not even involve getting the bread and cheese from the fridge!
I’ll admit, my patience was wearing thin, and it was getting a bit ridiculous. Teaching kids to cook can be incredibly rewarding once they catch on, but in the moment, it can be quite the challenge. When they’re toddlers “helping” in the kitchen—like pouring sprinkles all over cookies—it’s adorable. But when they become older and seemingly clueless, it can be frustrating, especially when you know you might be part of the issue.
Now that my kids are 7, 9, and 11, things are getting real in our kitchen. Even after the Great Butter Incident of 2014, they are generally willing to pitch in. We’ve been consciously working on kitchen skills—learning to use the stove, knives, and measuring cups. One child once misread “one cup of water” as “fill a tall glass and dump it in”—which resulted in a serious oatmeal flood. Another child tried mixing banana muffin batter in a tiny bowl, creating a messy eruption. Carrots have been peeled away to mere slivers due to overzealous peeling.
It’s definitely not perfect. But even amidst the chaos, they’re genuinely learning through all these mishaps, and it’s heartwarming to see how proud they become. Max now flourishes in the kitchen, excitedly handling tasks like breading chicken, while my oldest is gearing up to steam mussels for the first time together. And as for the grilled cheese challenge? He eventually succeeded, and now he’s also the reigning champ of making delicious scrambled eggs.
Sure, there are times when I don’t have the patience for kitchen chaos and decide to take charge myself. Sometimes, the kids just aren’t up for cooking, and that’s perfectly fine. (And let’s face it, sometimes whipping up dinner alone with a drink and a podcast is just simpler.) However, they are increasingly eager to join in, and I cherish those moments—even if they are a bit messy. After all, isn’t family life a mix of mistakes and learning as we go?
Plus, there are delightful perks! Just this morning, I enjoyed cinnamon raisin French toast, a collaborative effort from my 7- and 9-year-olds while I relaxed at the kitchen table. It was absolutely delicious, in every sense of the word.
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Summary
Cooking with tweens can be chaotic and challenging, but it offers invaluable learning experiences and fosters independence. Despite the messes and mishaps, the joy of shared cooking moments and the pride kids take in their culinary efforts make it all worthwhile.