You might not be aware, but I basically came up with all the groundbreaking technology we now take for granted. Believe it or not, back in the ’90s, I had a treasure trove of brilliant ideas. Unfortunately, as a lazy teenager, I let others—like Jake Thompson, Lizzy Carter, Mark Lawson, and Sarah Mitchell—snag the credit for those innovations. But I’m here to set the record straight: I had the vision first!
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Video Calling
In the ’90s, video calling was as simple as my neighbor and I peeking out of our windows and chatting on the phone. If my best friend needed fashion advice for yearbook photos, she had to describe her outfits in agonizing detail. “Should I go with the bright pink bodysuit and my denim cut-offs or the off-the-shoulder pirate shirt with stone-washed jeans?” I dreamt, “Wouldn’t it be rad if we could see each other while we talked?” -
Text Messaging
Here’s a glimpse into a real conversation I had with my best friend during 11th grade.
Me: I’m dying to hear about your date, but my dad has to wake up at 4 a.m., so no calls after 9 p.m. Just beep me when you get home.
BFF: Got it! I can’t take calls that late either, so I’ll use the recorded movie times number to wait for your call.
Me: Totally! What if we could just type messages into our beepers instead? -
Email
Remember those long nights in the library, crafting your five-page American History paper on a computer that saved files to a floppy disk? You’d print it out only to tear the perforated edges of that dreadful continuous feed paper, inevitably ruining it and having to pay 5 cents per page to reprint? I once told my teacher, “How amazing would it be if my report could just beam straight to your computer when I finished?” -
Movie Database
Think of how many sibling arguments this could have put to rest.
Me: The Next Karate Kid is definitely the fourth movie.
My brother: No way, it’s the third!
Me: There’s a Karate Kid, Part III!
My brother: Right, but the Next Karate Kid is part four.
Me: I’m calling the video store to prove you wrong, and I’m compiling a complete list of all movies and actors ever.
My brother: Why not include TV shows too?
Me: Great idea—I will! -
Instant Streaming
Long before “Netflix and Chill” became a thing, we were all about Blockbuster nights—unless, of course, the last copy of Cruel Intentions was checked out. I’d always wonder, “Why can’t we just hit a button on the remote and watch whatever movie we want instantly? I need my Ryan Phillippe fix now!” -
Custom Music Downloads
In my senior year of high school, our Fashion Marketing class organized a fashion show fundraiser. After much debate, we settled on tracks like “Supermodel” by RuPaul and “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred. To use those songs, we had to buy whole albums since cassette singles were only available for new releases. I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if record stores let us choose songs from albums to create a mixtape? They could charge a buck per song!”
I was a tech visionary in my own right, but alas, I didn’t realize it back then. If I had pursued these ingenious ideas, I could be living the high life today. So, if you’ve got a brilliant idea, get it out there—maybe pitch it on Shark Tank!
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