The holiday season has come and gone, and as we welcome a new year, the remnants of wrapping paper and credit card bills have been tucked away (or maybe not!). I’ve taken a moment to reflect on the art of gift-giving, not just in terms of what to give or how much to spend, but rather how to approach the entire process from a parental standpoint. Let’s call it Parental Gift Guidelines.
Regardless of the occasion—be it a birthday, graduation, bar mitzvah, or any event that calls for presents—children invariably yearn for that one, must-have item they saw on TV, the one they simply can’t live without. Once they express their desires to us, it’s not long before we start using those requests as leverage. For instance, I might say, “Talk to me like that again, and see if you get that new tablet you’ve been asking for.” But let’s face it, unless you’re an exceptionally stern parent (think of those infamous reality show parents), the kids will ultimately receive their coveted gifts.
Now, fast-forward a short time after the gifts have been unwrapped—be it a week, a few days, or even just minutes. Almost instantly, we find ourselves in a position where we threaten to take away those hard-won gifts. For example, I might remark, “I warned you about your tone; now hand over that tablet.”
It seems to me that the entire process could benefit from some simplification. So, here’s a thought: why not sit down with the kids before any gift-giving event? Let them choose their favorite items, recognize that they will likely misbehave at some point, and agree to not give them the gifts at all. It’s a kind of preemptive approach that saves parents both time and money, not to mention the drama of taking gifts away. Instead of regifting, let’s call this PRE-gifting.
When the time comes for birthdays or holidays, we can simply pull out the pre-gifting agreement we made together, where we all understood that no gifts would be given, considering the likelihood of misbehavior.
“I warned you about your attitude… Let’s reference our pre-gifting agreement.”
“We, the undersigned children, acknowledge that behaving can be difficult and therefore agree to forgo the gifts we desire. In this pre-gifting arrangement, we will select a gift but ultimately not receive it. This eliminates the middleman and the potential for tantrums since nothing has actually been given to us in the first place.”
Isn’t that a breeze?
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To summarize, the notion of pre-gifting can potentially transform the way we handle gift-giving and behavior expectations with our children, creating a more harmonious holiday experience.