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How Are Teens Navigating Dating Through Social Media?
Dating as a teen back in the day was straightforward: If you had a crush, you hoped to catch their eye after class, chat at a party, or receive a phone call. All interactions were either face-to-face or voice-to-voice, giving hints and cues about each other’s feelings. If I had a conversation with a guy I liked, I could easily gauge whether he was sending “not interested, just being polite” signals or “definitely interested” vibes—or even the dreaded “not interested and not pretending to be nice” (Ouch. Dating was uncomplicated but not always easy). The same applied to how boys expressed interest in me; we communicated our feelings both verbally and through body language, and most understood the signals. Back then, it was typically the boys who made the first move.
I found myself curious about how today’s youth signal romantic interest in a world dominated by virtual communication. I questioned how this shift might influence their social skills, particularly in the realm of romance. That’s when I stumbled upon a fascinating study by the Pew Research Center about teens, social media, and dating.
Today’s young people have a plethora of options to connect with potential partners: cell phones, texting, emails, and various social media platforms. This makes my old strategies, like “oh, I just happened to be near the soccer field when practice ended,” seem almost quaint. Interestingly, however, some aspects remain unchanged. The Pew study revealed that the most common method for teenage boys to ask someone out is still face-to-face rather than via text. Additionally, it seems boys are still more likely to initiate dates: nearly half (47%) of teenage girls wait for someone to ask them out, while only 6% of boys do the same. When it comes to asking someone out in person, 35% of girls take the plunge compared to 69% of boys, and even via text, the numbers show a similar trend (20% of girls vs. 27% of boys). Gender roles can be slow to evolve—my mother waited for boys to ask her out, as did I, and likely my sons will feel the same pressure to take the initiative.
While there are some notable differences in how boys and girls utilize social media to gauge their romantic interests, it’s intriguing to see that boys (65%) are more likely than girls (52%) to feel connected to their partner via social media. They also report a greater sense of emotional connection through these platforms (50% boys vs. 37% girls). On the flip side, there are challenges; girls reported experiencing inappropriate flirting online at twice the rate of boys. Furthermore, they are more likely to track their romantic interests through social media (one-third of girls vs. 22% of boys) and tend to remove reminders of an ex from their social media profiles after a breakup—a tactic my friend and I once referred to as launching the “dead to me” protocol.
What I found most fascinating is that despite the technological changes, the core dynamics of teenage dating haven’t shifted dramatically. Both boys and girls still expect to communicate regularly with their partners: 85% anticipate hearing from their significant other at least once a day, with 11% even expecting hourly contact. (To those 11%, whether you’re teens or adults, good luck with that—hourly expectations can be overwhelming.)
Ultimately, this insight was somewhat reassuring. I hope my sons will prioritize in-person interactions over online communication, as real connections thrive through shared experiences. I also hope they muster the courage to approach girls directly—even if it means casually crossing paths after soccer practice.