Updated: Dec. 24, 2014
Originally Published: Oct. 11, 2009
Fat talk has been a part of my dialogue long before I even had braces. I really thought I’d kick the habit once I became a mother. For years, it was all too common for me to stand in front of the mirror and utter things like:
- I feel so huge today.
- Does this outfit make me look big?
- I can’t believe how much cake I just ate.
- Seriously, is my stomach protruding?
- I used to be cellulite-free. Just look at it.
My friends joined in too, competing to see who could express the most disdain for their bodies. One even mentioned her dislike of her knees. We treated fat talk like a competitive sport, which shouldn’t be surprising given the lessons we received from the unwritten Manual of Womanhood:
- Never simply accept compliments about your appearance; instead, downplay your looks with a self-deprecating remark.
- When a friend expresses insecurity about her body, respond by lamenting about how much worse you have it.
My husband found it difficult to listen to my endless complaints. Sometimes he would reassure me of my beauty, while at other times, he’d simply ignore my remarks. There were moments when he would say, “You’re not going to speak like this in front of our child, are you?” Indignant, I’d reply, “Of course not!”
Then our little one arrived, and I quickly realized that quitting fat talk was far more challenging than I expected. No matter how much I wanted my daughter to grow up with a positive body image, I struggled to silence my negative self-talk.
I made excuses. She’s too young to understand, I thought. And even if she did comprehend, she couldn’t speak yet, so I had time to change my ways. I’d tell her I loved her little body, especially her adorable chubby tummy and pudgy thighs. Surely, she wouldn’t notice my own body image struggles.
But that was a lie. She was always paying attention.
When my daughter was just a few weeks old, I’d lay her on the bathroom floor while I styled my hair and applied makeup. I would catch glimpses of her eyes following every movement. At eight months, I saw her imitating me as she held a piece of fabric to her face, mimicking how I blew my nose.
By twelve months, she was rummaging through my bag for lip gloss, “applying” it to her lips, despite her inability to unscrew the cap. At fifteen months, she would grab the broom and dustpan, attempting to clean the area around her high chair. Now, at eighteen months, she’s trying on my shoes and clothing, helping me wipe the table with her bib, and even scrubbing the floor with my bath brush. I’ve realized that little eyes are always watching me.
Even though I’m making an effort to cut down on my fat talk, I’m still not completely free of it. I’d be lying if I claimed this was due to newfound self-acceptance; it’s likely because I weigh less than I ever have as an adult. But that doesn’t mean I won’t still complain about my post-baby body.
I want to believe my body is beautiful every day, regardless of my bloated belly, sagging backside, or the lines around my eyes. More importantly, I want my daughter to understand that it’s normal for women to celebrate their beauty.
I try to keep my fat talk to moments when she’s not around. However, children are perceptive; they can sense when something is off. I thought accepting my body would be simple once I became a mother, but I was mistaken.
Body image is still a challenge for me, and I realize that avoiding the subject isn’t the answer. I need to confront it. For now, this means limiting fat talk in front of my daughter, allowing her to explore my body without judgment, and wearing a bikini at the beach, even if it pushes my comfort zone a bit.
Motherhood has taught me to embrace the unpredictability of life. Everything is more complex than I ever imagined. If you’re interested in more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource: Resolve.org. You might also find helpful insights on Making a Mom. For more parenting discussions, visit Intracervical Insemination.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, Mia Thompson shares her struggle with “fat talk” and the impact it has on her body image, especially after becoming a mother. Despite her efforts to promote a positive body image for her daughter, she finds it challenging to silence her own negative self-talk. She emphasizes the importance of confronting body image issues and cultivating self-acceptance as she navigates motherhood.