When I come across the phrase “given up” in discussions about adoption, it truly resonates with me and makes me uncomfortable. My son, Noah, was not given up. In fact, I really dislike the term “given up” when it comes to the topic of adoption and children.
You might give up your favorite dessert or a pair of old shoes, but you never give up a child. Strangers often ask me, “Why did Noah’s birth parents give him up?” and my response is always, “They didn’t.”
The Complexity of Birth Parent Choices
There are countless reasons why some individuals cannot parent, ranging from tragic circumstances to decisions that may seem selfish. However, many of these choices stem from selflessness. Birth parents often face the unimaginable choice of making a plan for their child’s future, believing it to be in the best interest of their little one, despite the heartache it may cause them. The bravery required for such a decision is remarkable. Most birth parents don’t simply “give them up,” especially in the context of international adoption, which can be intricate, heartbreaking, and sometimes even corrupted.
Protecting Noah from Hurtful Language
While it’s unrealistic to think I can shield Noah from all the potentially hurtful comments or questions, I am committed to doing my best. I can’t always protect him from feelings of hurt, confusion, or anger, but I will certainly try. One of my biggest goals is to ensure he never wonders, “Why was I given up?” because I know that he wasn’t.
Further Reading and Resources
If you’re interested in more about this topic, check out this other blog post here. Additionally, for those exploring options for starting a family, you may find useful information at Make a Mom regarding fertility supplements that can help boost your chances. For further insights on insemination success rates, WebMD provides an excellent resource.
Conclusion
In summary, the language we use around adoption matters deeply. It’s essential to recognize the strength of birth parents and the choices they make for their children, rather than reducing their experience to simplistic phrases.