After penning a popular piece titled “Top 10 Tough Things About Being Pregnant,” my dear friend, Jake Thompson, felt compelled to share his perspective. He wrote his own version: “The Top Ten Tough Things About Being Married to a Pregnant Woman.” I asked my husband if he’d like to contribute, but he wisely chose to avoid the potential pitfalls—especially since he was currently married to a pregnant lady who had just shed tears over a popsicle mishap. Ah, the joys of pregnancy!
So, since Jake bravely volunteered to share what it’s really like for men during this wild time, I thought I’d give him the platform he deserves. It seems he’s still haunted by those experiences, as he was quick to recall all the tough moments. Buckle up, ladies; here we go!
1. Unpredictable Mood Swings
It’s astonishing how a woman who was once your loving partner can suddenly channel the energy of a fierce gladiator. When she wants something, it better happen—fast. During our first pregnancy, I was asked to vacuum the living room. I got sidetracked and, by Sunday afternoon, the vacuum was still in the middle of the floor while I watched football. Her request turned urgent, and when I told her I’d do it after the game, let’s just say the vacuum cleaner took flight. I found myself wondering how I ended up in such a surreal situation and promptly vacuumed for the next half hour.
2. Breastfeeding Class
Like many expecting dads, I was roped into attending a Saturday breastfeeding class, right in the middle of college football season. Sure, I appreciate the anatomy, but do we really need eight hours of instruction? One dad even asked how to help his partner with cracked nipples. Yikes!
3. Misunderstood Compliments
During pregnancy, avoid commenting on your wife’s body—just don’t. Any attempt to reassure her will be twisted into something far worse. And beware the “Do I look as pregnant as her?” question when out shopping; your best bet is to run in the opposite direction, screaming something ridiculous.
4. Baby Showers
These events are a real drag. You end up at a gathering, usually during a major sporting event, surrounded by unfamiliar faces, trying to feign excitement over gifts you couldn’t care less about—all while nursing a soda because, of course, there’s no alcohol allowed. By the time baby number three rolled around, I was practically in a trance during gift-opening.
5. Doctor’s Appointments
Attending these visits is a must, but sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women while you wait for your partner can feel a bit odd. The doctor spends five minutes telling you everything is fine, only to charge the insurance like it was a detailed consultation.
6. Choosing a Name
Why is it so hard to pick a name? You’ll agonize over this decision for ages, only for the child to end up with a nickname that doesn’t resemble the original name at all. I practiced calling out potential names in the backyard, hoping not to look foolish, but ultimately our youngest ended up as “Little AD” instead of Andrew.
7. Strange Food Cravings
Yes, we understand you might crave pickles dipped in chocolate, but that doesn’t mean we want to try it too. And please don’t wrinkle your nose at our cheeseburgers—we have a right to enjoy our meals without judgment!
8. Intimacy Challenges
Let’s be real; intimacy takes on a whole new meaning when you’re a few inches away from your unborn child. As the family grows, so does the distance between you and that part of your relationship. By the third kid, intimacy seemed to fall far down the priority list.
9. Breast Changes
On a more positive note, pregnancy does come with some perks, like a preview of your wife’s new curves. However, they come with restrictions—sore breasts that you can’t touch. And after the baby arrives, those beautiful features sometimes vanish!
10. Nighttime Screams
Some pregnant women experience intense nightmares. My wife would wake up screaming like she was in a horror movie. It’s enough to jolt you awake, heart racing, only for her to demand silence so she can continue snoozing. Just roll over and hope for a quieter night.
So there you have it, expectant moms. Now you know what your partner might be really thinking behind that nervous smile during your pregnancy journey. Feeling the urge to throw a vacuum cleaner? Well, Jake’s currently hiding!
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Summary
Being married to a pregnant woman comes with unique challenges that can be both humorous and daunting. From mood swings to navigating baby showers and doctor’s visits, partners often find themselves in a whirlwind of emotions and situations that require patience and understanding. It’s a wild ride, but one that ultimately leads to the joy of welcoming a new life.