I recently dropped by to see my friend after she welcomed her little one into the world. As I quietly entered her room, holding a bouquet of flowers, a snack mix, and some fun magazines, I found her pediatrician questioning why her baby had a pacifier in his mouth. “I couldn’t nurse him anymore, and he cried every time I laid him down, so I gave him the pacifier and he calmed down,” she explained.
The pediatrician responded, “Well, that’s your job. He shouldn’t have a pacifier yet. Let him cry or nurse him.” Her husband looked tense, and the atmosphere felt heavy as my friend, a first-time mom, struggled to hold back tears. I had to grip the doorknob to keep my mouth shut; I almost bent it out of shape! It was clear he was no longer suited to be their pediatrician.
If you find it hard to let your child cry it out (regardless of their age) and you believe that doing everything possible to soothe them will be better for your mental health, then do just that. If you prefer to hold them until they doze off rather than endure their cries, go for it. Babies express their needs through crying, and as they grow, they’ll learn to communicate in words. It takes time for them to develop this skill.
So, for now, give that baby what they want, allow yourself some relief, and preserve your sanity. Your entire family will feel the positive effects. I caved to my three little ones whenever they cried, and they turned out mostly well-adjusted, so I’d say it was a win.
Don’t worry about spoiling them; they aren’t trying to manipulate you. They don’t have that ability yet. Rushing to comfort them won’t create a self-centered child.
Bedtime is particularly critical. By 7 p.m., most parents are exhausted and yearning for a moment of peace. If giving your child a pacifier, letting them sleep in an unconventional spot, or allowing them to snuggle in bed with you while you read (or scroll through social media) makes life easier, then embrace that. There’s no shame in simplifying your life and theirs.
When out in public, I always did what I could to quiet my kids. Sometimes, leaving a grocery store mid-meltdown isn’t an option, especially when you’re low on essentials like toilet paper and coffee. Babies and toddlers often can’t articulate why they’re upset, so they cry. If letting them play with your phone or giving them a treat stops the tears and spares you from judgmental glares, then go ahead and offer a bit of chocolate or a donut. It won’t harm them, and keeping your sanity should be the priority.
Ignoring the crying works for some, but if it doesn’t help you and you find yourself losing your mind, then give the baby what they need. If you have older kids, involve them in comforting the baby so you can sneak in a quick shower. Your well-being sets the tone for the household, and if you’re on the brink of a breakdown, the whole family feels it. Just do what you need to do to keep going. For many of us, that means giving the baby whatever they want.
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Summary:
In parenting, especially in the early days, prioritizing your sanity is crucial. If your baby cries, don’t hesitate to comfort them in whatever way works best for you. This approach will not only help you cope but will also foster a positive family environment. Remember, giving in to your baby’s needs isn’t spoiling them; it’s nurturing them.