Dear Earth,
I see you’re in pain, and trust me, it weighs on my conscience. It’s not that I’m indifferent to your suffering; it’s just that my kids have taken over. They are the ones whose laughter you wish to hear echoing through your forests and along your shores.
Life with them isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a constant battle of late nights and early mornings, juggling soccer practices and math assignments that leave me scratching my head. There’s a never-ending list of “What’s for dinner?” followed by “Can I have a snack?” and “I’m hungry!” And let’s not forget the frantic moments when I realize I’ve forgotten about a field trip or a dance rehearsal that costs an arm and a leg.
So, in my quest for a little relief, I’ve taken a few shortcuts that have, unfortunately, come at your expense. Here are the top five that haunt me the most:
- Diaper Dilemmas: Before my first child arrived, I was all set to use cloth diapers, inspired by a blog post warning me about the chemicals in disposables. However, once my son made his grand entrance, I quickly abandoned that plan when faced with the reality of messes. Suddenly, I thought, “A third eye? Maybe that’s not so bad after all!” and switched to disposables.
- Coffee Convenience: When my second child came along, I was living in New York City and relied heavily on the corner deli for my morning sustenance—a bagel and coffee delivered right to my door. The thought of dragging two little ones through the city was daunting, so I embraced the convenience… only to realize I was creating a mountain of waste each day with all those brown paper bags and disposable cups.
- K-Cup Catastrophe: After my coffee delivery habit was exposed, I bought a Keurig and became addicted to the convenience of single-serve coffee. I was like a rat pressing the lever for treats in a lab. Daily consumption skyrocketed to six or more K-cups, contributing to a towering pile of waste that could easily rival the height of the Empire State Building.
- Tissue Tactics: To manage phone calls in peace, I’d hand my kids a box of tissues, letting them pull them out one by one. Initially, I tried to save the used ones, but my kids found a new game—flushing them down the toilet. It bought me some extra time, and who doesn’t want that? Toilet paper became equally magical, turning into anything from leprechaun traps to bandages for stuffed animals.
- Flu Fiasco: When the stomach flu hit, I learned the hard way what to toss. Couch cushions, sheets, and even beloved stuffed animals met the curb as I faced the aftermath of sickness. Sure, I’ve managed countless stains before, but sometimes you’ve got to know when to cut your losses and run.
Then there are those other slips—like the four months of eating off disposable plates after my last child arrived, or driving a mere three blocks to pick up from school just because it was raining. The plastic trinkets from birthday parties that I toss as soon as we get home? Yeah, those too.
Yet, there’s a glimmer of hope. Thanks to Earth Day and stories like The Lorax, my children are determined to be your guardians. They’ve inspired me to pack trash-free lunches, organize recycling, and even scold me for leaving the water running while brushing my teeth. They’re your last, best hope for a better future.
So, here’s my promise: from this Earth Day forward, I’ll strive to prioritize your needs above my own. Just let me finish my coffee first, okay?
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Lastly, if you’re curious about how to support our planet, here are some terms and conditions to consider.