From a young age, I envisioned myself as a mother. I always had a couple of dolls that I doted on, treating them with the utmost care. However, reflecting on those early days, I realize that the nurturing I provided to my dolls was worlds apart from the real demands of caring for my own newborn.
Back then, it seemed so effortless. I could cradle my dolls, shower them with affection, feed them, and then set them aside to enjoy my own activities, like pretending to cook in my toy kitchen. While they snoozed peacefully, I’d admire them from a distance, blissfully unaware of the challenges real babies present.
As I awaited the arrival of my first child, I knew instinctively that a living baby would require more than a doll ever could. Yet, nothing prepared me for the reality of having a baby who clung to me like a burr. Once my son arrived, he made it clear: he had no intention of being set down, ever.
We had a lovely bassinet, a baby swing, and a bouncy seat, all generously given to us, but my little one had other plans. Just days after my milk came in, he fell asleep nursing on my chest, his body a perfect, limp little bundle. I carefully placed him in the bassinet, convinced he was in a deep slumber. But the moment he touched the mattress, his eyes flipped open as if to say, “What do you think you’re doing?”
In desperation, I tried various strategies to encourage independence. I swaddled him, but he wriggled free; I offered a blanket scented with my smell, but he wasn’t fooled. White noise and music made little difference either. The baby swing became our lifeline, though it only worked occasionally.
Eventually, I surrendered. With my husband around, he would hold the baby while I took a breath, and when it was just me, I embraced my new life as a human baby holder. Surprisingly, it wasn’t so bad. Once I let go of trying to make my baby comfortable away from my arms, we both found a rhythm and happiness.
I came across the concept of the “fourth trimester,” realizing that human babies are born too early in their development, needing more time close to their parents than most mammals. Unlike other animals that can walk almost immediately, we humans emerge as small, vulnerable beings, craving the warmth of our caregivers.
I discovered the art of babywearing, which took some trial and error, but once I figured out how to use a pouch sling, my life became much easier. I mastered the skill of accomplishing tasks one-handed, an unexpected talent that quickly became indispensable.
Since my first “Velcro baby” entered the world, I’ve become a breastfeeding counselor and lactation consultant. One common question I encounter is, “Help! My baby cries every time I try to put him down.” Many parents worry they’re doing something wrong, but the truth is, it’s often just a phase. Most babies go through periods where they simply want to be held. It’s not a reflection of your parenting abilities; it’s just how babies are.
I understand the challenge of having a clingy baby. It can be exhausting, but it does pass. By around four to five months, most babies become more content to be set down, although some take a little longer to reach that point, and that’s perfectly normal.
“It’s okay. It’s normal. You’re doing great.” Those were the encouraging words I longed to hear during my most challenging moments. So, if you’re in the thick of it right now, remember: you’re not alone, and you will get through this.
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Summary
Caring for a newborn can be a challenging experience, especially when faced with a baby who refuses to be put down. Understanding the concept of the “fourth trimester” can help parents navigate these difficult moments. Babywearing and embracing the need for closeness can ease some of the challenges. Remember, it’s a common phase, and with time, both you and your baby will find balance.