There are plenty of parenting strategies that sound great in theory, but when I try to implement them, things often go awry. One of those strategies is encouraging my children to use the correct anatomical terms for their body parts. My four-year-old insists on calling his penis a “pee-pee,” and the same goes for my two-year-old’s vagina.
I have to admit that I’m easily influenced as a parent, mainly because I often feel like I’m just winging it. When another parent tells me, “I only let my child have four ounces of juice a day, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics,” I immediately think, “Wow, that’s a brilliant idea! I should stick to those guidelines, too.” But then my child asks for a juice box, I mention he’s already had his limit for the day, and he gives me the kind of look that says, “Really, Mom?” So, I end up letting him have eight ounces or even ten – that’s just the type of parent I am.
In a similar vein, I once read a fascinating article about a mom who insists on teaching her kids the proper names for body parts. I thought to myself, “She’s brilliant!” I have no issues with the terms “penis” or “vagina,” so I mentally noted to avoid using cutesy names when the time came. I also encountered another piece that suggested using euphemisms could instill shame about one’s body. I bought into this wholeheartedly; after all, I consider myself a body-positive feminist! I don’t want my kids to feel ashamed.
Dr. Lewis backs this up, too: “Using accurate terminology is vital. At a young age, you want your child to see you as a reliable source of information, especially concerning sensitive topics. This is the foundation for the more complex conversations about sexuality that will arise during their teenage years.”
So, am I jeopardizing my relationship with my future teenager because I call his penis a “pee-pee?” Yikes.
As months passed, I realized I was still using “pee-pee” and decided it was time for a change. I sat him down and said, “Your ‘pee-pee’ is actually called a ‘penis.’ Got it?” Days went by, and it quickly became clear that I had missed the opportunity to make this term stick; pop quizzes would yield nothing but blank stares: “What’s that called?” I’d ask, only to be met with confusion. His expression said, “What the heck, Mom?”
I came to the realization that we simply don’t discuss penises enough for this to be a pressing matter. I understand there are concerns about children being able to identify their body parts accurately in case of any inappropriate situations. This is a serious issue, and I take it to heart. I’ve had multiple conversations about personal boundaries, reminding him, “You’re the only one allowed to touch your penis,” and encouraging him to tell me if anyone ever makes him uncomfortable. He responds, “Yes, Mommy, I know. No one is allowed to touch my pee-pee but me.”
So, we may not use anatomically correct words in our home, and that’s okay. In a household where a bottle is called a “ba-ba,” a pacifier is a “binky,” and Grandma is “Ya-Ya,” does it truly matter? This might be another one of my parenting “fails,” but I’m fine with “penis” being one of those words we baby-talk to our littles.
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In summary, while I might not be using the typical anatomical terms in my household, I believe that the love and openness we share are what truly matter. After all, parenting is about finding what works best for our families, even if that means embracing a little bit of baby talk along the way.