You Complete Me: Embracing Single Parenting with My Son After His Siblings Leave

self insemination kit

My youngest child, Leo, who is 11 and nine years younger than his siblings, recently expressed concern over a big change in our family dynamic. He realized that his sister’s acceptance into college meant she would soon be leaving us. “Wait, is it just going to be you and me for the next…”—he began counting on his fingers—“nine years?”

“Oh boy,” I replied. “Maybe I should have avoided teaching you math.”

“Mom!” he exclaimed, clearly distraught. I knelt down to his level and looked him in the eye. “Yes, darling. Unless some romantic figure shows up to declare ‘You complete me,’ it’ll just be us two for the foreseeable future.”

“Who’s that?” he asked.

“Forget it. Just know that you complete me, and we’re going to have fun, just the two of us! I promise.”

He broke into tears. “But you’re so… boring!” he lamented. “You’re always working!”

His words hit hard. Not because they were untrue, but because they were painfully accurate. As a single mother and sole provider, I’m often caught up in work just to keep things afloat. After separating from my husband, I initially took in boarders to help pay rent. Leo enjoyed the lively atmosphere of our guests and their quirky habits, but eventually, I craved peace and quiet to reflect on our new life. So, we downsized and moved to a smaller place.

I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close. He has faced so many challenges over the past two years—the family separation, my health struggles, job instability, and a move from our spacious home to a compact apartment. Not to mention the longing for a father who is no longer present and some schoolyard bullying. It’s a lot for a kid his age to bear. “I promise,” I assured him, “I’m going to make our life enjoyable.”

Yes, I thought, it would be fun. But how?

One solution came in the form of a skateboard I gifted him for his ninth birthday. He adores it with a fierce passion, and it has been instrumental in his transition from being a little boy to a big one. Each weekend, I take him out to skate for a couple of hours.

Another idea emerged from Leo himself: “Play guitar with me,” he said. “Teach me some chords.” Just two weekends ago, I taught him “Come As You Are,” his favorite tune inspired by his early obsession with Kurt Cobain, thanks to the Nirvana Unplugged DVD that he watched on repeat. This summer, we’ll tackle “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

The third answer arrived via an email from my friend Sarah, a Parisian photographer I worked with back in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Sarah mentioned that her son, Max, 19, wanted to spend his gap year in the U.S. Did I know anyone looking for a boarder?

“Yes! I do!” I replied. I proposed to trade Max free lodging and some spending money for his help with Leo now that his sister will be away. The idea of having a young male babysitter thrilled me, especially since I lack family support. Plus, with Leo’s sister gone, we actually had space.

The final piece of the puzzle came unexpectedly. Leo met a girl, and I’ll keep her name a secret as that’s his story to share. I can say this: she loves skateboarding, she’s wonderful, and she has captured his heart from the moment they met. Since she entered his life, I’ve heard no more complaints about how boring I am.

For now, she completes him, not me, and that’s how it should be. He has come to understand the transformative power of love, which is our ultimate goal as parents. Yes, we must teach our children math, even if they occasionally use it against us. We must guide them in reading, tying their shoes, cooking, and demonstrating kindness—eventually preparing them to be independent. But above all, we must love our children unwaveringly so that they learn how to love others when the time comes.

Recently, I overheard Leo telling his new friend, “If I teach you guitar, you can teach me piano. Keep that in mind.” The sounds of them playing music and laughing together filled my heart. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.

Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I believe the next nine years will be anything but boring for him. In fact, I worry they may fly by too quickly.

For more insights into parenting and home insemination, check out this post on intracervical insemination or visit Make a Mom for expert advice on at-home insemination kits. If you’re curious about the IVF process, this resource is an excellent read.

Summary:

Navigating the world of single parenting has its challenges, especially when a youngest child realizes they will be spending many years alone with their parent after siblings leave. Through shared activities like skateboarding and music, a mother strives to make life enjoyable for her son while adapting to their new reality. Love, patience, and learning are key components in their journey together.