As a dedicated mother, I’m on a mission to ensure that every teenager understands the potential consequences of sexual activity. Let’s face it—bringing a baby home from a date ranks among the worst surprises, right next to STDs and the inevitable regrets that follow. Hence, I’m excited to introduce my newly coined initiative, “Teaching Teens That Babies Are Just Terrible,” or TTBJT for short. The acronym is amusingly fitting, especially since it includes “BJ” in the center—though I’m not promoting that either. Still, I’m brainstorming a more catchy title for my campaign.
While I generally don’t concern myself with the parenting choices of others, I do get worried when it involves my own children or when babies are left to fend for themselves while munching on Ring Pops at six months. Let’s be real—six-month-olds should not have access to Ring Pops; they could choke! Instead, how about some Pixy Sticks? This is just one of the many important lessons I could impart to teens.
Reflecting on my own teenage years, I recall being caught up in a whirlwind of hormones and feelings of desperation that clouded my judgment. I was far too naïve to recognize that sex should ideally be a fulfilling experience both emotionally and physically. And as I dive into the details, let’s not pretend we’re all comfortable discussing those awkward feelings of desire. It’s almost as bad as saying “moist” or “panties” around lunchtime—trust me, it gets uncomfortable fast. Nausea, by the way, is yet another not-so-fun aspect of pregnancy. Take note, teenagers!
In high school, the seriousness of parenthood was briefly illustrated through a project where we were tasked with caring for a decorated egg (complete with yarn hair!). But let’s be honest—an egg doesn’t even remotely compare to a living, breathing baby. I mean, if we’re going to teach kids about parenthood, let’s get creative. Picture this: a 7-pound Water Snake Wigglies toy slowly leaking, or a grapefruit taped to a Slinky Jr. to simulate a baby’s head—now, that’s more like it!
For years, schools have resorted to using flour sacks as stand-ins for babies, but I can’t help but think of my own mother’s experiences with similar projects, which might be why she decided to wait nearly two decades after my birth to have my siblings. Fast forward, and I now have four children of my own, and I’ve done my part in keeping my siblings away from early parenthood for the past decade just by letting my kids be themselves.
If you’re a parent looking to spread the word about the realities of babies, you can get creative. Why not engage a group of teens at the mall and ask them to change a diaper, claiming that flushing toilets give your child anxiety? Or better yet, join a music class and see if you can convince the mothers to leave their babies with your reluctant teenager while they sing “Skinamarinky Dinky Dink.” Trust me, they won’t be eager to sign up for that again.
In case you find yourself restricted from public spaces, here are some fun alternatives to illustrate the chaos of parenthood:
- Have your teen play board games with stuffed animals that are known for throwing tantrums.
- Make them carry a puppy around for hours, ensuring it only leaves their arms when it has to relieve itself on them.
- For a truly memorable experience, place a small amount of faux feces in their breakfast cereal and let them know that every parent has their ugly moments.
The key is to use your own parenting experiences to craft relatable scenarios that your teen can’t ignore. Because let’s face it—nothing is scarier than the prospect of a baby, especially when you’re trying to balance algebra and U.S. history.
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In summary, it’s crucial to equip teens with the knowledge that while babies can be a blessing, having them at the wrong time can lead to overwhelming responsibilities. Teaching them about the realities of parenthood can help them make informed choices that align with their life goals.