Parenting
Moms Are People First
Updated: Aug. 23, 2015
Originally Published: Aug. 22, 2010
I’m a mom, a partner, and maybe a little eccentric at times. I strive to be a good human being, but I am neither a maid nor a chef, and definitely not someone’s hired help.
Modern parenting can often feel like a minefield where we’re constantly bombarded with messages about how we’re falling short. The pressure to be the “perfect” parent is overwhelming. I often find myself grappling with the expectations of what a “great” parent looks like. You know the type: they have a spotless house, laundry done, and they chauffeur their kids to school every day, all while engaging in delightful playtime and preparing healthy lunches packed with kale chips.
But let’s be real—this isn’t me.
My dining room table has become a distant memory, buried under a mountain of laundry that hasn’t been tackled for days. My elderly dog has taken to pulling soggy socks off the clothesline, and my son’s shoes, well, they’ve seen better days thanks to some enthusiastic chewing. I’ve walked past the same Duplo block, a pencil, and a clean diaper in the hallway for a week without picking them up. They’ve become my little companions, and I just nod at them, promising to return them to their rightful places eventually. My daughter currently has a dirty diaper, and I’ll admit I’m putting off changing it until I finish this.
How about screen time? Most days, my son is glued to the TV from morning until late night, and sometimes I don’t even notice until it’s well past lunchtime. His fascination with Pirate Jake has escalated to alarming levels.
Do your kids constantly beg you to play? Mine do, and I’m currently sipping coffee and crafting this instead. I rarely indulge in playtime; it feels as thrilling as getting out of bed every day. Remember when we entertained ourselves while our parents enjoyed their adult time? Our kids can do that too!
What about meals? Do you feel guilty when your children turn their noses up at wholesome foods? Last night, my kids had white bread with butter and cake for dinner. Yes, cake. They even snagged a chocolate bar at their brother’s Bmx training at 7 p.m. And you know what? I’m okay with that.
The pressure to enroll your child in every after-school activity can be exhausting. My ten-year-old participates in just one, and there are days we simply decide to skip it altogether. We’ve used every excuse in the book: “I’m tired,” “It’s too cold,” or my personal favorite, “I have social anxiety and can’t handle the thought of volunteering at the club.”
Seeing friends on social media doing arts and crafts with their kids? Not my scene. Glitter and paint? No, thank you. Pencils and pens are the extent of our creativity unless I’m in an unusually benevolent mood.
Matching socks across the board? Right now, my daughter is sporting one of my socks and one of her brother’s. She’s two, and it’s not a battle I’m willing to fight.
Do your children chat with you? Mine do. I often just smile and wave, going with the flow.
And when they throw tantrums in public? I just smile and wave at the judgmental onlookers. It’s all part of the parenting journey.
Do you find yourself censoring your language because kids are like little parrots? Just the other day, my daughter called our dog a “Fluff Head.” Parenting is wild.
None of these things make me a bad parent. They simply reflect that I’m learning to be comfortable in my role. Sometimes, my kids need to figure things out on their own. It’s okay to indulge in treats, and yes, TV can be a lifesaver when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It beats shouting at them to quiet down!
The laundry may be piling up, but I’m prioritizing other things that matter more right now.
We are human first, and being a mother comes second. We’re all still figuring out this chaotic journey until the end of our days. We read bedtime stories, share kisses, and cherish our time together. Our children will love us despite the amount of TV they watch or the occasional cake dinner. Their affection doesn’t hinge on having perfectly matched socks.
I, Jamie, an ever-evolving human, refuse to be sidelined by the expectations of motherhood. I’m still a decent person while also being a mother and a partner. Societal norms won’t dictate my worth.
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Summary:
This heartfelt piece reflects the candid experiences of motherhood, emphasizing the importance of being human first. It highlights the unrealistic expectations placed on parents, celebrating the chaos and imperfections that come with raising children. Ultimately, it reassures that love and connection matter more than societal standards.