Let’s be real for a moment: If I find myself part of a psychological experiment where a “teacher” is instructing me to increase the voltage on a shock machine every time I make a mistake, you can bet I’ll be bracing for impact! My respect for authority figures is almost blind.
A white coat? Sure, I’ll take those antibiotics. A wall filled with diplomas? I’m totally ready to implement your “Perfect Kids in 9 Seconds” plan! (Side note: I’ve made it into a few books myself, so apparently, they let just about anyone into print.)
But as I’ve matured, I’ve developed a sense of confidence that helps me trust my instincts and question expert advice. However, the internet seems determined to bombard me with unsolicited suggestions. So, here are nine things I really wish it would stop telling me to do:
9. Stop Eating Certain Foods:
Seriously, must I see warnings about these five foods every 37 seconds? If anything, their deliciousness is only making it harder to resist them!
8. Try Wrapping It:
I’ve seen the before-and-after pictures. But until someone invents a magical wrap that covers my mouth, I’m not seeing any changes here. Those thighs aren’t going anywhere.
7. Infuse My Water with Fruit:
Cutting up three cups of fruit? Really? Plus, who wants to lug around a mason jar full of mushy fruit that they can’t even snack on?
6. Get More Sleep:
Well, duh! Who doesn’t need more sleep? With my kids’ schedules filled with practices, homework, and the occasional family TV night, getting to bed early is nearly impossible. I’d end up going to sleep at the same time as my 9- and 12-year-olds. Lame alert!
5. Drink Wine:
I’ve never been a fan of wine, so can we stop saying it cures everything from cancer to global warming? If anyone has good things to say about whiskey, I’m all ears!
4. Ditch K-Cups:
I do my part to recycle and conserve energy. I drink one cup of coffee a day—can’t I enjoy the convenience of a K-Cup? (And yes, I switched to a reusable cup, but if I hear it could cause cancer, there may be a meltdown!)
3. Clear Out My Pantry:
I’ve made it 41 years without collapsing from food poisoning! I can read labels and understand how food gets to my table. Not everything is a conspiracy to make me sick.
2. Buy Fancy Jewelry:
I can snag four pairs of hoop earrings for $5 at Target. Sure, my earlobes may turn black, but that’s a fashion statement, right? Plus, they go perfectly with my Costco workout pants!
1. Worry About My Kid’s Self-Esteem:
Have you met a 12-year-old boy? They think they know everything and have life figured out. I’m more concerned about getting him to clean his room than coddling his self-esteem. Let’s face it, he probably didn’t even hear me asking!
See, internet, I’m my own expert now!
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In summary, the internet has a lot to say about what I should do, but I’m learning to trust my instincts and prioritize what works for my family.