For my son’s fourth birthday, he has chosen a superhero theme and specifically requested “no girls.” We’re planning a cozy celebration at home with his grandparents and a few close friends from preschool. As I sent out the Evite, a wave of guilt washed over me for not inviting his entire class.
Most of the birthday parties we’ve attended have included all 20 kids from his class, along with their parents and siblings, held in spacious rented venues. Some gatherings boasted up to 60 attendees—more than my grandparents had at their 50th anniversary celebration! At these big events, the kids often start with circle time where they introduce themselves, despite already knowing each other well. Sugar-filled treats abound, but the highlight is inevitably the bounce house, where kids eagerly await their turn to jump until the timer runs out. We usually leave with goody bags brimming with sweets and small plastic toys.
Our generation faces criticism for hosting extravagant preschool birthday parties. Experts often scold us for spoiling our children and flaunting our wealth. However, I believe there’s a gentler reason behind these grand celebrations: it feels wrong to leave little ones out of the fun.
I allowed my son to invite six of his favorite classmates. He quickly named his closest friends and wanted to add more, but I had to say no. Living in a small city apartment means that six excited boys is already pushing our limits. That’s when the guilt crept back in. Should we have splurged on a play venue for his entire class?
Each time I step into my son’s preschool, I’m filled with joy at the lively atmosphere. His classmates rush to greet us, eager to show off their temporary tattoos or new ninja moves. Many of these children have been in his life since they were in diapers. Preschoolers exist in a magical phase; aside from their typical aversion to the opposite sex, they don’t bully or form cliques. Friendships are easily forged over superhero antics, and they rarely falter. This stage is equally delightful for parents, allowing us to form bonds without getting tangled in the kids’ social drama. Inviting the whole class could keep this inclusive vibe alive and prevent any hurt feelings as they grow older.
Will some classmates or their parents discover our party and feel left out? I had a serious talk with my son about not mentioning his birthday at school, but I know it’ll be a challenge for him at just three years old.
We’re opting for a small gathering because I believe a larger crowd would overwhelm my son—and me, for that matter. I can’t imagine handling a party of 60 guests myself! Plus, there seems to be an inverse relationship between spending and enjoyment. Not long ago, we spent $60 on tickets to a bustling neighborhood kids’ festival, packed with attractions like bounce houses, live music, and all-you-can-eat ice cream. Yet, my son simply wanted to run around outside with his friends, who were constantly being whisked away by their parents.
“Let’s check out the train ride,” I suggested, pointing towards a long line of eager families. Frustrated, my son erupted in tears, declaring, “I hate festivals!” My husband, trying to keep the mood light, held onto a balloon shaped like a lightsaber.
We left the festival feeling like we had narrowly escaped a chaotic amusement park, where it seemed the parents were the ones truly stressed out. Next time, we’ll save that money for something more enjoyable, like a nice bottle of wine.
With all this in mind, we aim to keep our son’s birthday celebration as simple and distraction-free as possible. There won’t be long lines or planned activities beyond singing “Happy Birthday.” Instead, there will be plenty of blocks, Play-Doh, and toy trucks for the kids to enjoy, with most of the budget going towards refreshments for the parents.
While I hope no one feels slighted by our intimate gathering, we’ve chosen to celebrate our son’s birthday his way: running around and battling imaginary villains with his closest superhero pals.
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Summary
My son’s birthday will be a cozy celebration with just a few close friends instead of his entire class. While larger parties are common, we’ve chosen a smaller gathering to keep everything simple and enjoyable for him. We want to prioritize his happiness without overwhelming him or ourselves.