I’ve come to the conclusion that having a sister wife could be the most amazing experience ever. Imagine a girlfriend living with me, helping out with household tasks, and recalling our husband’s previous blunders during disagreements. Yes, please! However, I know it takes a unique woman with very specific traits to join our delightful chaos.
Here are the essential qualities you’d need to embody as my sister wife:
- Moderate Looks Required: Let’s be honest—no need to be a supermodel. In fact, a bit of ruggedness could work. I need my husband to always see me as the most attractive one in the house, so you’re here to support, not overshadow.
- Asexual Vibes Only: We need to keep the romantic aspect completely off the table.
- Child-Free Choice: You must be certain that you don’t want any kids of your own. I’ve got enough little ones to keep me busy.
- Love for My Kids: You have to adore my children as much as I do. Being willing to play on the floor and endure endless Minecraft narratives is a must. The kids will always have a special place for me, though!
- No Judgment on Early Wine: If I occasionally enjoy a glass of wine before 5 PM, you won’t judge me. I’m joking… mostly.
- Master of Trick Questions: You must handle tricky questions from kids like a pro. For instance, if you choose the blue blanket, you’ll get the green one—always!
- High Tolerance for Sleepless Nights: You should relish the idea of staying up late. Sleep is for the weak, right?
- Love for Irony: You’ll find that a kid who hasn’t had an accident in ages will suddenly wet the bed the night after you wash the sheets. Or they’ll drop a curse word in front of family—just the way of life!
- Joy in Cleaning Messes: You should genuinely enjoy scrubbing brown goo off walls and teaching little ones proper fork usage. Saying things like, “You’ve lost the privilege to sit close to each other forever!” should bring you joy.
- Cooking Enthusiast: Dinner preparation should be your forte, as our family expects meals nightly, no excuses!
- Resilient to Feedback: You’ll need to have thick skin regarding dinner critiques. The effort you put in will often correlate to how much they dislike it!
- Read Aloud Skills: You should be ready to read the children’s book Holler Loudly! ten times a day, complete with an entertaining Southern drawl.
- Creative Activity Planner: You must be inventive with a repertoire of fun activities that kids can do independently. That’s key—by themselves!
- Comfort with Emotional Outbursts: You’ll find joy in asking someone to clean their room, only to be met with tears.
- No Aversion to Strong Scents: You should have a certain appreciation for catching vomit with your bare hands—it’s practically an art!
If you check all these boxes, congratulations! You may just be destined to become my sister wife.
For more insights and helpful advice, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination at Johns Hopkins Fertility Center. And if you’re curious about fertility boosters, Make a Mom has some great information on that topic.
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