Before I embarked on the journey of motherhood, I naively believed that if I had a son, I could simply stock up on a few sets of one-size-fits-all overalls and a pack of dark onesies, and that would be the end of my clothing concerns. Oh, how wrong I was! Over the past 19 months, I’ve discovered that toddlers can be more particular about their outfits than a fashion editor at a high-end magazine. I can only attribute this picky behavior to my husband; I’m perfectly satisfied with my own mom uniform—yoga pants and any shirt that doesn’t involve buttons. Under the guidance of my little one, I’ve identified five distinct toddler styles:
1. The Nudist
Many toddlers embrace the liberating feel of going au naturel. If it weren’t for the costly steam cleaner I sometimes need after a toddler mishap, I’d fully support this clothing-free lifestyle. Since my own clothes are often stained by my child or left forgotten in the laundry, I’ve become quite the nudism aficionado myself.
2. The Fashionista
Our neighborhood park is home to a trendy group of toddlers, with my son often taking the lead. I can’t help but think this is due to his fedora-wearing father. A “Fedorable,” as I call it, is a toddler in a fedora destined for a future hipster band. While a fedora isn’t mandatory, this style requires a trendy piece—be it a faux fur vest, a flouncy skirt, or even those $80 distressed jeans that seem to scream “cool” to any discerning eye.
3. The Minimalist
This toddler prefers practicality above all. They seek comfort and simplicity, shunning the complex buttons and patterns of other styles. The raw freedom of nudity is a no-go when sand is involved at the park. This is the child I envisioned when I invested in a stockpile of Osh Kosh B’Gosh overalls.
4. The Costumer
Similar to the fashionista, this toddler loves to stand out, often sacrificing comfort for a bold statement. Picture this: a child in a full astronaut suit on a sweltering summer day or a ballerina clad in a tutu and leotard for a winter night at the Nutcracker. And heaven forbid you suggest layering a coat over that tutu!
5. The PJ-er
This toddler will only wear clothing that is soft, fluffy, and undeniably cozy—think flannel and footed pajamas. I relate deeply to this style, as I too find comfort in my sleepwear. In fact, my fashionista child has even dragged me to my closet, urging me to don “real clothes.” True story! If only my upcoming child could share my love for drool-stained pajamas all day, politely skipping any social outings that require getting dressed. Unfortunately, society finds it more acceptable for toddlers to roam in PJs than their mothers. I’m on a mission to change that narrative, one flannel day at a time.
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In summary, toddlers have diverse and often hilarious fashion preferences ranging from nudity to elaborate costumes. Understanding these styles can make parenting a little more entertaining and relatable, as we navigate the whims of our little ones.