When I learned I was expecting, I braced myself for an exciting journey. Not only was I about to embark on the adventure of parenthood, but I was also having a child who would be of mixed race. Despite our society’s progressiveness, it seems people are still taken aback by the sight of a mixed-race child.
Since the 1970s, the number of individuals identifying as mixed race has been steadily increasing. While I anticipated the possibility of having a child with a white heritage, I was unprepared for the bizarre comments that would come my way. It’s astonishing how some people lose all sense of decorum when discussing a child.
For context, my son looks very Caucasian. If you didn’t see us together, you might not realize he has black heritage at all. As he’s grown, he’s developed a bit of color, but his features lean heavily toward his white ancestry. I’m completely fine with this, as it has led to some amusing experiences.
For instance, when he was a newborn, a white friend and I took him out. Whenever strangers asked questions about him, they directed them to her, completely ignoring me. She would casually inform them that I was the mom, leaving them perplexed. On another occasion at a fast-food restaurant, the cashier peeked into his carrier and exclaimed, “Is he yours?” When I confirmed, she responded, “But he’s so white!” I simply smiled and said, “He looks like his dad.”
That has become my standard response. I’ve encountered a variety of comments, some of which are quite offensive. The most common question I get is, “Are you his mom?” Sometimes, I feel tempted to say I’m his babysitter just to shake things up a bit. To see if I was alone in this experience, I reached out to other parents of mixed-race kids. Here’s what a few of them had to say:
- Nina (mom to kids aged 14 and 11): “People often say they look exotic.”
- Marcus (dad to boys aged 6 and 3): “When people ask where they got their curly hair, I find myself explaining genetics!”
- Lily (mom to a daughter aged 5): “Mixed-race children are always described as incredibly beautiful.”
- Katrina (mom to kids aged 20, 18, and 4): “Family members often comment on their skin tone—‘They’re so light!’ or ‘Will they get darker?’ It can be exhausting.”
- Jordan (mom to children aged 3 and 1): “I’ve heard comments suggesting that our mixed-race kids represent a hopeful future where race won’t matter. While they mean well, it’s a bit much.”
- Sophia (mom to a son aged 2): “Did he just call you Mom?! Yes, seriously.”
- Talia (mom to kids aged 3 and 1): “People ask which side of the family they prefer.”
- Riley (mom to twin boys aged 4): “They have such nice hair!”
- Zoe (mom to a son aged 5): “It’s so kind of you to adopt!”
- Ella (mom to a son aged 6): “He’s not too dark…”
We understand that our families may not conform to traditional norms, and curiosity is natural. However, there are more respectful ways to engage with us. Our children are not exotic or uniquely beautiful due to their mixed heritage—they are simply kids, and we are just parents trying to navigate this journey.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, you can check out this post on intracervical insemination. And for those looking to boost their fertility, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. The CDC is also a great source for information on pregnancy and infertility.
Summary:
Mixed-race parents often encounter surprising comments about their children, ranging from curiosity to outright ignorance. While they appreciate interest, many remarks can be off-putting and reinforce stereotypes. This article highlights the experiences of various parents navigating these situations, emphasizing the need for respectful interactions.