As I plunge beneath the water’s surface, the sudden chill takes my breath away. After a couple of strokes, I quickly turn back, breaking through the surface to see my daughter, Lily, beaming with delight.
“See, Mom?” she exclaims, her voice bubbling with joy. “It’s incredible, right? I just love this!” With her head thrown back, she raises her arms triumphantly and shouts, “I LOVE THIS!!!”
“It’s wonderful,” I respond, and she leaps into my arms for an all-encompassing hug that soon pulls us both underwater. We play a game of follow-the-leader along the shoreline of Lake Tahoe, with her swimming just ahead. I can’t help but marvel at the remarkable young lady she is becoming.
Every so often, she pauses to point out a fish, a unique rock, or a log that resembles an eye. Her smile is infectious, and I find myself grinning right alongside her.
“I love you,” she says as we take a moment to catch our breath, and I can feel the truth in her words radiating from her. She glows with happiness, and it melts my heart.
For so long, I’ve yearned to see her embrace her adventurous spirit, to let go of her fears and welcome life’s experiences. Witnessing her growth fills me with an uncontainable joy.
My girl, how deeply I love you.
For years, I’ve felt like I’ve been failing as a mother, especially in nurturing her unique spirit. I worry about her fears—spiders, heights, speaking to strangers—and feel like I’ve let her down. The dream of raising a fearless, self-assured daughter has often felt like it’s slipping away, plunging me into spirals of doubt.
Am I setting a good example? Am I pushing her too hard or not enough? Does she feel accepted? Am I trying to mold her into someone she isn’t? Does she feel loved? It’s overwhelming, and I dread the thought of failing her. She deserves my best self, but I don’t always know how to provide that.