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Updated: Dec. 17, 2016
Originally Published: Dec. 17, 2016
In today’s world, bullying has reached alarming new heights. Many individuals feel emboldened to hurl racial slurs and narrow-minded insults at those who appear different. Bullies are increasingly visible—in schools, workplaces, and even lurking behind screens online.
A bully is someone who uses their strength or power to intimidate or harm those perceived as weaker. Their actions stem from a blend of hate and fear—hate for those they view as “other” and fear that they might reflect the negativity they harbor within. In their quest for dominance, they aim to make others feel small, all while grappling with their own insecurities. It’s a stark reminder that even those in positions of power, like a president, can be motivated by deep-seated fears.
So, when is it appropriate to teach our children to confront a bully versus to walk away? My answer is clear: they should always stand up.
Encouraging our kids to fight back—especially when they witness injustice—is crucial. That’s why I refuse to remain silent. I will always advocate for those who are mistreated and instill in my children the importance of defending themselves and others. Walking away is not an option when someone is being victimized.
I emphasize the power of words when teaching my children to stand up for themselves. Physical prowess isn’t a prerequisite for assertiveness; words can be incredibly impactful. Plus, I’m not one to advocate for violence.
Teaching Kids to Stand Up for Themselves
Recently, an adult attempted to hug my 5-year-old daughter after she gifted them something. Her body language clearly indicated she was uncomfortable, yet she felt powerless to refuse. My heart ached for her. I intervened, suggesting a fist-bump instead, overriding my instinct to push her toward politeness. When we got home, I reinforced the message that she should never feel obligated to touch anyone against her will. We practiced various scenarios together to ensure she felt empowered to assert her boundaries, even in my absence.
Teaching Kids to Stand Up for Others
Another instance arose when my son’s soccer coach mistakenly benched a child who was wrongly accused during practice. When my son witnessed the unfair punishment, he initially felt powerless against the authority of an adult. After discussing it at home, he gathered his teammates at the next practice to advocate for the child who had been treated unfairly. Their collective efforts resulted in the child being allowed to play in the next game.
Empowering Their Voices
It’s equally essential for our kids to understand that their voices matter—even when it comes to us as parents. If we make a mistake, we should welcome their feedback. Not long ago, my son brought home a disappointing math test, and I overreacted, threatening to take away his privileges. Realizing my reaction wasn’t constructive, I shifted my approach. I encouraged him to devise his own action plan and consequence for his performance. That night, we celebrated his “failure” as a learning opportunity, fostering his ability to express himself and take ownership of his challenges.
These small lessons and conversations cumulatively build our children’s self-confidence and awareness of how to respond to unfair treatment. This year, after some kids were hurt during recess, the school implemented a ban on running, which sparked an uproar among the students. They banded together to approach the principal, advocating for their right to run again during breaks. It was inspiring to see them unite against an unjust rule.
Though these may seem like minor victories, each conversation contributes significantly to cultivating a more compassionate world. As I grow older, I’m more inclined to voice my concerns when I see something wrong. I want to be a strong role model for my children, demonstrating that standing up for what’s right often requires courage.
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In summary, it is vital to teach our children the importance of standing up for themselves and others. By doing so, we equip them with the confidence and skills to address unfairness in their lives, ultimately fostering a kinder world.