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Athleticism is Not My Forte.
Seeing your son struggle to catch a nerf ball from a mere foot and a half away serves as a harsh reminder of your own lack of athletic prowess. For every child at the playground who has the makings of a future superstar, there are countless others who seem destined for the world championship of snack consumption. -
Hiding My Phone is Futile.
Children have a knack for discovering your cell phone, no matter where you try to conceal it. My son managed to unlock my iPhone at just ten months old! While it can be a lifesaver during meltdowns, using it to stream shows like Daniel Tiger means he’ll be on a relentless hunt for it in my pockets from then on—good luck keeping that secret. -
Park Moms Have Their Guard Up.
Not every mom at the park is judgmental, but many seem to have a suspicious vibe. As the primary caregiver, I often find myself surrounded by a tight-knit group of mothers who eye me like I’m up to no good. You’d think after a few weeks of me sliding down with my son, they’d ease up a bit. -
Expectations for Dads are Low.
I know this sounds a tad controversial, but it’s surprisingly easy to get away with doing the bare minimum as a dad. When a mother has a messy child in public, she often faces judgmental looks, while dads are given a pat on the back for simply being present, even if the kid is wearing their shirt inside out. -
I’ve Been a Hypocrite.
Before becoming a parent, I held strong opinions on things like traveling with small kids or how to handle tantrums in stores. Now, I owe a huge apology to all the parents I judged between 2000 and 2013. -
Ten Minutes Can Feel Like an Eternity.
Ten minutes is just a short span—unless you’re trapped in the car with a screaming child. In that case, ten minutes stretches into a torturous age of pleading and listening to the same song on repeat. It’s astonishing to think about how different time felt pre-kid. -
Sneaking Snacks is Necessary.
Eating healthy in front of your child sets a great example, but let’s be real—sometimes you just want to indulge in a bag of chips without a chorus of pleas for a taste. So, sneaking a cookie or two behind the guise of a newspaper becomes a survival skill. -
Toddler Shoes are Tactical Weapons.
If the government could harness the power of a small child’s shoe to inflict pain, global conflicts would be resolved in a heartbeat. Those innocent-looking size 2 Star Wars shoes can cause some serious ankle discomfort. -
Task Delegation Starts Early.
Every dad has that moment when they realize chores can be handed off to their kids as they grow. Whether it’s mowing the lawn or taking out the trash, I’ve already started planning which tasks will be my son’s as soon as he’s tall enough. -
Too Many Quilts Exist.
My wife and I had no quilts before our son, but now we’re practically quilt collectors. While I appreciate the thoughtfulness of those who gifted them, I must say—if you’re considering a quilt for a baby gift, please reconsider. However, if the apocalypse hits, we’ll be more than prepared.
For more parenting insights, check out our other article here: Home Insemination Kit or visit Make A Mom for expert advice on at-home insemination. Also, don’t miss Rmany for a wealth of information on pregnancy and parenting.
Summary:
Becoming a dad has opened my eyes to the challenges and humorous realities of parenthood, from the struggles of my son’s athletic abilities to the unspoken rules of park etiquette. It has highlighted the low expectations set for dads, the necessity of sneaking snacks, and the surprising abundance of quilts. While navigating these new experiences, I’ve found humor and insight in the chaos of raising a child.