Life has taught me many lessons, but one crucial one is the significance of timing. Imagine receiving a brand-new Lexus for your birthday from a wealthy uncle. If you call him within an hour to express your gratitude, he’ll likely feel appreciated. However, if you wait six months to thank him, he might reconsider your inheritance and possibly send someone to slash your tires. Timing, right?
Now, picture this: you stroll into your favorite bar at 7 PM on a Thursday. That probably means you’ve had a long day and want to unwind with friends. But if you show up at 7 AM, well, that signals a different story entirely. Same actions, contrasting implications.
Speaking of timing, I had an enlightening conversation recently with a soon-to-be-former friend, Trevor, who doesn’t have children:
Trevor: “Hey, a group of us is hitting the bars after work. Want to join?”
Me: “Nah, my partner is working late, so I’m staying home with our daughter.”
Trevor: (patronizing tone) “How adorable. Are you two going to play dress-up?”
Me: “Actually, we’re…”
Trevor: “You know what? I don’t care what you do. It’s become convenient for you to use your kid as an excuse. Taking care of kids is a woman’s job, and you really need to man up – though I guess you wouldn’t know what that means.”
For context, I have a wonderful 16-month-old daughter. If Trevor had made such belittling, outdated comments before she was born, I might have found myself in jail for losing my temper. But my daughter has inspired me to be better, so I simply shook my head and walked away. Just another lesson in the power of timing.
By the way, I wish I had informed Trevor that caring for your own child is parenting, not babysitting. Babysitting implies hiring a teenager to hang out while you’re away, not being an active father.
As I drove home, I reflected on what “man up” truly signifies. Does it mean abandoning my responsibilities as a father to sip beers with someone I barely know? Should I believe that it’s solely my partner’s duty to raise our child while I lounge on the couch? That’s not my perspective.
To me, “man up” embodies:
1. Supporting My Partner:
Regardless of how capable I feel as a dad, my partner often puts in more effort. I contribute by giving her a foot rub after a long day, cooking, cleaning, filling the gas tank, arranging for a babysitter so we can enjoy a night out, or simply reminding her how much I appreciate her.
2. Prioritizing Health:
Sure, there are days when I’m tempted to hit the drive-thru or skip the gym. But when I’m on the verge of making unhealthy choices, I think of my daughter. To “man up” means working out regularly and eating well because I want to be there for her long term, avoiding preventable health issues.
3. Expressing Affection Publicly:
Even though I’ve only been a dad for a short time, I’ve noticed some fathers only interact with their kids when discipline is needed. I hug, kiss, high-five, dance, and sing with my daughter in public every chance I get, regardless of the judgment from others. I want her to see that it’s normal to openly love those we care about.
4. Engaging in Play:
I know dads who fearlessly join their daughters for tea parties or dress-up sessions. They’re not ashamed; they love it! While my daughter is too young for those activities now, I’m always the first to pick out her outfits while shopping. I’ve learned about Hello Kitty, hair clips, and yes, jeggings! To “man up” means to embrace whatever your child requires at the moment, whether that means dressing up or enjoying a themed shopping spree.
5. Being a Positive Role Model:
I love to express myself, but you won’t catch me cursing in front of my daughter. Some parents think it’s amusing when toddlers swear, but it makes me cringe. I consciously use polite language around her to help her learn the importance of manners. Just the other day, after changing her diaper, she looked up and said “tank ew” – it melted my heart. Kids absorb everything, so I strive to set a good example.
6. Persevering:
There are days when my daughter is uncooperative or throws a tantrum. I often find myself questioning if I’m cut out for this. But guess what? It always works out in the end. I know my daughter loves me, and to “man up” means continuing to be the best father I can be, no matter how challenging it gets. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s also the most rewarding.
7. Caring Deeply:
This means being attentive, loving, and supportive to my partner and daughter. No night out can compare to the joy I experience from spending a regular day with my child. Because of this, I drink and party less. My commitment is to ensure my daughter has a happy, healthy life. I’m still learning as a new dad, but I’m ready to sacrifice anything for her well-being, even if it means disappointing those who hold outdated views about parenting.
To my misguided friend Trevor: my daughter is my world. This is how I define “man up.” Instead of being supportive, you disparaged dedicated parents everywhere with your ignorant comments. Hopefully, you’ve realized your mistakes. If not, there are plenty of parents who wouldn’t hesitate to set you straight. Fortunately for you, timing will likely spare you from any consequences, as most of us believe in better behavior.
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In summary, being a father means stepping up, embracing responsibility, and showing love. It’s about prioritizing your family and setting a positive example, all while enjoying the remarkable journey of parenthood.