By: Jenna Markham
Updated: Dec. 23, 2023
Originally Published: Jan. 2, 2012
Not long ago, I confided in a friend about a cosmetic procedure I had chosen years ago, something I had only shared with a select few. She shrugged, seemingly unbothered by my revelation. “Well, you’ve always been a bit superficial,” she remarked nonchalantly.
I was momentarily taken aback by her comment, feeling a twinge of hurt. I never considered myself to be superficial. After all, when I think of vain individuals—especially women—I picture self-absorbed characters who would stop at nothing to uphold their looks, even if it meant sabotaging those closest to them. (Think of Snow White and countless other fairy tales…) I certainly didn’t see myself as a caricature, but her words prompted me to reflect on my own understanding of pride versus vanity, and where that line truly lies.
Like many girls, my early notions of beauty were shaped by my mother, who would take my sisters and me to the local department store for lengthy makeup trials. While my sisters occupied themselves with the Clinique skin type tester, I would watch my mother as she meticulously applied eyeliner, her self-worth intricately linked to her appearance. She didn’t hesitate to share her beauty tips; by age ten, I was learning to shave, and by eleven, I was told I “might want to address that mustache.” We spent countless moments bonding over hair bleaching sessions in the bathroom.
In fifth grade, when I was first allowed to wear eyeshadow for a birthday celebration, I eagerly rummaged through my mother’s old makeup bag and found a slightly damaged baby blue shadow. I applied it liberally over my lids while attempting to roller skate, a combination of alluring and precarious. Though some may not agree with my mother’s methods, I came to appreciate her emphasis on enhancing one’s natural beauty. Her message was clear: whatever your definition of beauty, it can be achieved with the right tools, and external appearance doesn’t overshadow intelligence or character. It wasn’t about choosing between being smart or pretty; I could be both.
However, my confidence took a hit when adolescence arrived, bringing with it a host of insecurities. I watched as my friends bloomed into young women while I felt stuck. I endured teasing, being called “Twiggy” for my skinny frame, and the cruel nickname “Boyish Becky” haunted me throughout middle school. The struggle was real, especially when the phrase “The Flat and the Fabulous” echoed through the hallways, directed straight at me.
It took time, hormonal changes, and some well-fitted bras to regain my self-esteem. As I entered my twenties, I rediscovered the magic of eyeliner and lip gloss, relying on my mother’s guidance once again. Mornings might not have started with me looking my best, but I always had a plan to “suit up.” Feeling good about my appearance empowered me, making me feel more organized, stronger, and more confident.
At the risk of sounding cliché, I genuinely enjoy making myself look attractive—whatever that means to me. I love dressing up, receiving compliments on my hair, and catching my reflection in store windows. I maintain a fitness routine and watch my carb intake to stay fit, religiously apply sunscreen to protect my skin, and I can’t resist the allure of makeup, with Sephora being my go-to destination. I strive to ensure that my inner beauty matches my outer appearance, both of which I take pride in. Whether that makes me superficial is a debate I leave for others.
As I approach my 40th birthday, I’m acutely aware of the anxieties that come with aging as a woman in this society obsessed with youth. I’m not a supermodel; I have my share of imperfections like cellulite and fine lines. I no longer wish to dress as if I’m in my twenties, but I still want to look my best for as long as possible—a goal I hope to maintain throughout my life.
In conclusion, wanting to look attractive doesn’t have to be synonymous with vanity. It’s about self-expression and empowerment, finding a balance that allows us to embrace both inner and outer beauty.
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