When I was a student in high school, I enrolled in a Sociology class where we tackled two significant projects: marriage and parenting. My classmates and I partnered up, meticulously planning mock weddings complete with white gowns, veils, and cakes in a grand auditorium ceremony. One of the highlights was when our teacher, a charming new instructor, played my father and escorted me down the aisle—a moment many of my classmates found quite amusing.
We engaged in role-playing scenarios involving confrontation and conflict resolution, and before our mock wedding, my pretend husband—my good friend Alex—had to persuade my “father” to grant permission for our fictional marriage. It offered just a taste of what real marriage entails, and while it was a playful exercise, I now recognize its limitations. The complexities of a genuine relationship—partner personalities, finances, and in-laws—create a complicated puzzle with endless combinations.
The next phase of our assignment was to care for a baby. We were given a hefty 10-pound sack of flour, instructed to name it (I chose Kayla, inspired by my love for the soap opera Days of Our Lives), and told the rules: no leaving it in a locker, no setting it down, and we had to take turns caring for it like a real infant.
As a parent today, I realize that the flour sack experience barely scratched the surface of actual parenting. Reflecting on my school days, I can see that several other subjects equipped me for this journey.
1. Drama
As a parent, the ability to perform is crucial. Silly voices are a plus! I can feign anger while chuckling inside and find humor during tough times. I can morph into a horse, a dog, or even Wonder Woman, often adding a frog voice when singing.
2. Debate/Negotiation
“It’s time for bed.” “Why?” “Because you need rest.” “Why?” “Because you’re three.” “Why?” “Because I said so.” “How about one more story before bed?” “Just get into bed!”
3. Algebra
If x represents the hours until my toddler wakes me and y is the sleep I need, then y – x equals NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY.
4. Chemistry
Combine one newborn (NB), one hormonal new mother (HNM) amplified by postpartum anxiety, plus one relatively sane partner (RSP). What’s the outcome? Still figuring that out. The concoction remains in process!
5. Music Appreciation/Band
While I may not have a classic band camp story, if you’ve endured a concert featuring fifth-graders awkwardly attempting to play a song, you’re ready for any instrument your child might bring home.
6. Physical Education
This is where I perfected my skills in avoiding the ball during field hockey while composing silly songs about our quirky teacher to the tune of Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” Not exactly parenting-related, but it sure was fun!
7. Home Economics
Ah, home ec! A class that taught us about homemaking. Although I still can’t sew, I can whip up a full meal from starters to dessert using a roll of Pillsbury biscuits, all thanks to that class.
Thanks, Maplewood High School! I definitely learned a thing or two.
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In summary, while high school may not have provided a comprehensive guide to parenting, it offered invaluable skills that come into play every day in raising children.