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- Parenting
Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 27, 2012
Every evening, as I tuck my daughters into bed, I make my way to the bathroom to engage in my nightly ritual. This time spent in front of the mirror allows me to embrace the nuances of turning 40. I remind myself that examining the fine lines on my face and the more pronounced pores is a form of self-care. Instead of criticizing the passage of time, I take this moment to reconnect with my reflection. I pluck stray eyebrow hairs, glide toner-soaked cotton pads along my neck, and brush my teeth twice.
The other night, as I splashed water on my face, my daughter, Lily, tiptoed in behind me.
“I just need to blow my nose,” she whispered.
“Okay,” I mumbled, still focused on rinsing my face. I grabbed another handful of warm water and began lathering soap onto my cheeks. Hearing her gentle nose blows made me smile; I had waited so long for her to master this simple task. After drying my face, I noticed that she held the tissue not to clear her nose, but to conceal her watchful gaze. In that moment, it dawned on me that she was drawn to my actions out of curiosity—not just about my nightly routine but also about the world that lies ahead. I stood a bit taller, and she returned my gaze with a shy smile.
This shift in her demeanor began during the summer, an introspective phase as she seeks to understand her surroundings. Standing there in the bathroom, I felt uncertain about being the center of her curiosity. Dressed in a soft cotton nightgown, the thin straps felt delicate against my skin, yet her gaze made me feel vulnerable. The insecurities from my teenage years resurfaced, reminding me of the pressure to maintain a polished exterior. As a mother of three daughters, I constantly wrestle with the instinct to project an image of perfection, hoping to shield them from the relentless standards of beauty and success—thinner, prettier, stronger, more organized.
“Why do you do that?” she asked, her eyes wide with genuine intrigue.
“Do what?”
“Everything.”
Taking a deep breath, I considered how she may have picked up on my struggle between unwinding and the urge to rush. “I guess it’s a bit of a treat for me; it helps me slow down.”
“Why do you want to slow down?”
“Well, sometimes I remind you not to rush, but I often have to remind myself too,” I replied, noticing her confusion. “When I step into this space at night, it’s like having a blank canvas to express my thoughts or to create something new. This routine helps me shake off the chaos of the day,” I grinned, “or wash it away, so I can find the right pace before bed.”
“Yeah, but why do you take so long?”
She looked up at me, determined to understand, much like she had with that glowing paper lantern we crafted together on our Cape Cod trip.
“Um, I suppose it just takes me a while. I’m not always great at letting go or finding the right rhythm,” I shrugged, feeling a bit exposed.
“I think your face looks nice when it’s all shiny and pink after the hot water. And you smell good.” She wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder—a distance that has noticeably diminished over time. After a gentle squeeze, she stepped back and asked, “When you finish, will you come and rub my forehead until I fall asleep?”
We exchanged smiles.
“Of course, I’ll be right in, okay?” She nodded and tossed her tissue into the trash. “Oh, and Mom, I really love your nightgown.”
She skipped away, the coral and yellow stripes of her pajamas flowing behind her like ribbons. In that moment, I realized that both of us navigate our lives under a constantly shifting microscope. While it may not always bring clarity, occasionally it connects the dots, allowing us to see ourselves—and each other—in a new light.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Lisa Harper shares her nightly routine and the intimate moments shared with her daughter, Lily, as they navigate curiosity and the complexities of growing up. This connection highlights the importance of self-care and the lessons learned through observation and shared experiences.