Growing up, I often sensed that my parents had a hard time accepting many of my choices. They made it clear that they struggled with my desire to eat differently from my friends, like enjoying a hamburger at a barbecue, and while I could see their discomfort (my mom had a distinct facial tic), they ultimately let me indulge. When I became passionate about running cross-country in high school—often squeezing in a ten-mile run before breakfast—they didn’t intervene, even though their concern was palpable. Their approach often felt more like tolerance than support; they allowed me to pursue my interests without fully embracing them.
Many parents advocate for teaching their children tolerance. We should be tolerant of different religions, beliefs, appearances, and lifestyles. However, teaching tolerance is quite distinct from fostering acceptance. While children can be instructed to passively acknowledge differences, this does not equate to encouraging them to genuinely celebrate those differences.
Having grown up in a predominantly white, blue-collar environment where people of color and varying faiths were often barely tolerated, I reflect on how I wish to raise my own children to appreciate the diversity around them. If I only teach them tolerance, I fear I will have fallen short.
Although differences can often seem to divide us, there is an essential need for acceptance that unites us all. By nurturing this bond, we can unlock extraordinary possibilities when we transition from mere tolerance to empathy, acceptance, love, humility, and understanding. This is what I aspire to impart to my children, Mia and Leo.
As a parent who has faced racism throughout my life, my perspective is undoubtedly shaped by those experiences. I want Mia and Leo to navigate their own challenges with race and identity, especially as they grow into their unique backgrounds—half Indian, a quarter Puerto Rican, and a quarter Italian.
Key Lessons for Mia and Leo
- Recognize Beauty in Differences: When you encounter someone who looks different from you, take a moment to appreciate their uniqueness. Whether it’s their skin tone, eye color, or hair texture, remember that these differences contribute to the rich tapestry of humanity. We all have something special to offer, even if nobody is quite as iconic as Bono!
- Show Empathy to Those with Disabilities: If you meet someone with a disability, open your heart and extend a helping hand when possible, even if they decline. Don’t shy away from befriending those who seem different; you might discover surprising commonalities.
- Engage Respectfully in Conversations About Faith: When people start discussing their beliefs, listen intently but don’t feel pressured to contribute much. Your understanding of spirituality may still be evolving, given that your parents are navigating their own complex relationship with religion. A simple nod and smile can go a long way.
- Celebrate All Forms of Love: If you come across a same-sex couple, it’s important to recognize that love takes many forms. It may seem unusual or perfectly normal to you; either way, remember that love is love. If two individuals find joy in each other in this often confusing world, celebrate it wholeheartedly. (But let’s wait until you’re at least 21 for any other kind of celebration!)
If we merely settle for teaching tolerance, we miss out on the profound opportunities for connection and understanding that arise from truly embracing differences. Society often congratulates itself for fostering a culture of indifference toward our varied backgrounds, but we can strive for something far more rewarding. Teaching our children the distinction between mere tolerance and genuine acceptance is crucial in preparing them to thrive in our diverse world.
To learn more about navigating family dynamics, check out this excellent resource on family-building options or explore this insightful post on our other blog for more on embracing differences.
Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of teaching children not just tolerance but acceptance of diversity. By fostering an environment where empathy and love flourish, parents can help their children appreciate the unique beauty in those who are different from them. It advocates for a deeper understanding of societal differences and the need for genuine connections.