A few weeks back, I experienced intense discomfort in my right eye. It became watery, swollen, and turned a striking shade of red, making it incredibly light-sensitive. Within minutes, I struggled to keep it open. Lesson learned: never Google symptoms like these!
Before I penned my own eulogy, I splashed some water on my face, removed my contact lens, and rinsed my eye thoroughly. I donned my glasses for the remainder of the day. Thankfully, it turned out to be just a tear in my contact lens, not something serious like meningitis or a corneal ulcer. I managed to handle this ordeal like the superhero I am, but by day’s end, I was also dealing with a myriad of other symptoms courtesy of my four delightful little ones.
So, before you spiral into a panic or turn to Google for answers, take a moment to reflect on your day.
Symptom: Nausea
Causes: Sure, you might be battling a nasty virus, but it’s just as likely that your gag reflex is being tested by… witnessing your toddler create a masterpiece of yogurt and ketchup, only to devour it with a pretzel stick. Or maybe it’s the surprise you found while changing the sheets on the top bunk—an entire installation of late-night nose discoveries. And let’s not forget the horrifying item you stumbled upon while washing your teenager’s sheets, which you’d rather not discuss. It was probably yogurt anyway. Ugh.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Insomnia
I know the feeling. You’re grappling with self-loathing, or perhaps feeling resentment toward everyone, because all you’ve ever craved since becoming a parent is a good night’s sleep. Yet here you are at 3 a.m., counting cobwebs instead of sheep. It must be a disease, you think, something irreversible. “I’ll never sleep again,” you whisper into the dark.
Causes: Just today, you said something under your breath that your six-year-old will undoubtedly carry into adulthood as her mantra. Meanwhile, you found a strange item while cleaning your teen’s room—now you’re questioning whether to celebrate or reprimand him. A montage of his childhood flashes in your mind, and you wonder how it came to this. And your daughter? She spat on another child at the playground. Did you make the right call?
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Headache
Causes: It could be a migraine, or perhaps… you survived another bedtime battle while answering questions about time travel, quantum physics, and why Cookie Monster isn’t green. It’s now 12:03, and curfew was midnight. Your child isn’t answering their phone. You prepared a fantastic dinner with veggies cleverly hidden in the sauce, timed perfectly, served on their favorite plates—but no one touched it. They chanted, “down with dinner!” And when the cashier said, “I can take the next person over here,” you stifled your urge to yell because you were next, not the seven people behind you. Your son only wants to wear octopus shirts, so you bought every single one you could find, only for him to suddenly prefer sharks.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Back Pain
Causes: You might be dealing with a slipped disc or just the reality of aging, but it’s probably due to… the way you sit up in bed at 2 a.m. for your infant’s millionth feeding. Or how you juggle carrying a baby, a toddler, multiple grocery bags, and two backpacks all in one trip while your other children insist their legs are too tired. Perched on the bleachers during your child’s game, you realize you didn’t breathe once. And then there’s the stealthy maneuver you perform to escape the nursery at night.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Sore Throat
Causes: Sure, allergies or a cold might be the culprit, but it’s more likely because you asked your kids to pick up their Legos. After three hours of waiting, you stepped on one and screamed for what felt like an eternity. Before you realized there were no kids in the car, you belted out Sofia the First songs like you were at a concert. Or you kept asking your little ones to locate their shoes, repeating the request until the end of time. Still, no shoes in sight.
Diagnosis: Parenting.
Symptom: Fatigue
Causes: Really? You need me to spell it out?
In essence, parenting can feel like a chronic illness. While I encourage you to consult a doctor if you experience any discomfort, I understand you likely don’t have the time for that. Perhaps a warning sticker should be placed on a child’s birth certificate, similar to those on medications: “Caution: May induce nausea, insomnia, headaches, dizziness, mood swings, weight fluctuations, anxiety, fatigue, and more…”
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In summary, parenting can feel like an affliction at times, but it’s also a wild, rewarding journey. Remember to take care of yourself along the way!