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Counting Down to Bedtime: A New Mom’s Reflection
As I sit here, I realize I’ve been a mom for precisely ten weeks, five days, and four hours. I know this because I often find myself counting the minutes until bedtime. We’ve survived a full day without any major disasters—no one has perished, no one has lost their mind (at least not yet), and aside from a minor squabble over the swaddle, things are fairly peaceful. In this whirlwind of swaddles, bumbos, and sleep training, making it through the day without a major meltdown feels like a victory.
However, as night approaches, a familiar guilt creeps in. Guilt has a way of sneaking up on you. I’d much rather deal with the straightforward frustration my little one, Mia, expresses when I don’t feed her the right way. Her emotions are raw and honest—no subtlety there. Guilt, on the other hand, is insidious, exploiting my insecurities and planting doubts in my mind.
Throughout the day, I often feel overwhelmed—by the responsibilities of motherhood, by the expectations of others, and by the emotional turmoil that comes with caring for this seven-pound miracle. I hear guilt whispering, “Shouldn’t you be reveling in this joy? So many would love to have what you do.”
Postpartum depression, much like guilt, can be a tricky battle. It ebbs and flows, improving only to sometimes worsen again. My entire world has been turned upside down; I find myself asking, will I be a good mother? Will she resent me? What if she encounters danger? Or, heaven forbid, what if she turns out like a pop star?
Mia is my light and my joy, but there are days when I wish for a 15-hour nap for her so I can accomplish something as simple as cooking with two hands, taking a shower, or—dare I say it—getting some sleep. For now, I’ll settle for the fact that there are still 5.5 hours until bedtime and, surprisingly, everyone is still alive. WIN.
If you’re interested in more insights on parenting, consider checking out this post on the importance of mom guilt. For those exploring the world of home insemination, CryoBaby offers great resources, and Medical News Today is an excellent place to learn about fertility and pregnancy.
In summary, navigating the early days of motherhood is filled with both triumphs and challenges. Guilt may try to overshadow the joy, but each day we celebrate the small victories and look forward to bedtime, knowing we’re doing our best.