As the holiday season approaches, I find myself reflecting on a significant change in my life. For the first time, I won’t be able to purchase my children’s happiness. In my previous career, I was a high-income earner, but it came at a cost. My job drained my energy, and when I was finally home, I was often emotionally unavailable. To compensate for my absence, I filled our lives with material comforts, frequently treating my kids to new toys from stores and lavish outings to local attractions. Christmas became a whirlwind of gift-giving, where I took pride in the mountain of presents, believing it could replace the time I wasn’t fully present.
Then life took a turn. The past few years brought challenges that stripped away the comforts I relied on. A move to a new country, a divorce, my battle with cancer, and surgeries consumed my savings and left my children and me in a state of uncertainty. Their father’s quick move to a new relationship added to the chaos. I had finally started dating again, but that brought its own complications, leading to confusion for my children. In the midst of this upheaval, my attempt to build a business also crumbled.
Last Christmas, overwhelmed by guilt, I drained my remaining savings for gifts. However, it marked the end of that distraction. Faced with our new reality, I had to confront how to truly “be” with my kids without relying on material things. People assured me that what they craved was my attention, but I struggled to understand this. I felt lost and resentful, unsure of how to start.
We found ourselves in a community where poverty was prevalent. Despite the hardship, I witnessed families creating joy in simple ways. Mothers braided their daughters’ hair on porches, while children played carefree games. At the beach, kids built sandcastles and splashed in the water, regardless of their circumstances. There was a resilience in the laughter of those kids, which made me realize that I had been neglecting my own spirit.
One day at the beach, watching my children fight through their boredom to play, I had an epiphany. In the end, our most valuable asset is ourselves. I decided to embrace who I was and to be present. As I walked toward them, their faces lit up in joy, and they eagerly pulled me into their play. We transformed our day into a magical experience filled with laughter, creativity, and connection. “This is the best day ever!” my youngest exclaimed, and I knew it was true; they didn’t need toys—they needed me.
Since that day, we have become creators together. We’ve decorated our home with colorful rock mobiles and drawings of fantastical creatures. We cherish our meals, treating them as opportunities for gratitude and conversation. I’ve made it a point to bond with them during TV time, giving foot massages or simply being close.
I’ve also been open with them about our financial situation, and while they may grumble when I can’t buy a toy, they quickly shift the conversation to other things, showing resilience and adaptability.
As for Santa? This year, I explained that he’s focusing on children facing greater hardships around the globe. He’ll still bring a few small gifts for us, but the emphasis will be on helping others in need. To my surprise, my kids were inspired to create something special for children affected by war, and they even mentioned it would be fine if Santa saved some gifts for next year.
So, what will this Christmas look like for a struggling single mother and her two kids? A cozy, peaceful time filled with music, creativity, cooking, and laughter. Fewer presents, but much more presence.
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Summary
This year, I’m prioritizing quality time with my children instead of material gifts during the holidays. After facing significant challenges, I’ve realized that my presence is the greatest gift I can offer. We’ve transformed our time together into creative and joyful experiences that foster connection, making this Christmas more meaningful.