My 9-year-old is currently having a meltdown. He’s in his room, wailing and kicking up a storm because I asked him to tidy up the hallway. I had to make this request after catching him using a plastic sword to whack a decorative wreath. “I get that you’re upset,” I told him. “But actions have consequences, and if you want to show respect for our home, you need to clean the hallway.” He continued to scream and cry. I acknowledged that he thought it was unfair, and I respected his feelings, but the task remained.
His reaction? I was a meanie who didn’t care about or love him at all. Eventually, I had to tell him that the words he was saying were hurtful, and he could stay in his room until he was ready to speak kindly and clean up. So, he continued to scream and cry—partly out of genuine frustration, partly for show—for at least fifteen minutes. I offered him alternatives to calm down, like reading a book, but it was only after his dad stepped in that he settled down.
This is what it’s like having a 9-year-old: a mix of toddler-like outbursts and the intellect of a much older child.
My 9-year-old is a joy most of the time. We dive into meaningful conversations about music, race, and various important topics. He shares unique insights and I genuinely enjoy our time together. We have our little inside jokes. Yet, despite our discussions about complex issues like climate change and social justice, he’s still my little boy. He sometimes puts on his underwear backward and makes childish decisions, like grabbing his bike just when we’re about to leave. He can’t find his shoes and announces his bathroom needs. Currently, he’s pretending to be a Jedi Knight in an office chair with his little brother.
But he thinks he’s ready for teenage life.
He insists on choosing his own outfits daily, which poses a challenge since he lacks any real fashion sense. While he can be left home alone for short periods, he wants the responsibility of watching his siblings—something I can’t fully trust him with yet. He longs to read books that are too advanced for him, but I can’t rely on him to return the simpler ones to the shelf.
And then there’s the backtalk. Oh dear, the backtalk.
I used to believe that by homeschooling and avoiding shows where clever kids mocked clueless adults, we could sidestep this issue. Turns out, I was the clueless adult. My 9-year-old has taken to backtalking like it’s a new sport, and it all started this year. He grumbles about chores, snaps at inquiries about whether he’s gotten dressed, and responds to reminders about personal grooming with sarcasm. I’m mean, and so is his dad. When we remind him not to talk back, he dramatically exclaims, “BUT WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?!” It’s like living in a theatrical performance, and when we remind him this isn’t a stage, he snaps back, escalating tensions until someone has to walk away. He has a fierce temper, one he probably inherited from me.
This seems to be a common theme among 9-year-olds; his friends’ parents report similar struggles.
He’s caught in a transitional phase between childhood and adolescence. Half the time, he wants to indulge in play with dinosaur toys or arrange toy soldiers. The other half, he’s eager to engage with more mature activities, from watching shows like Dr. Who and Blue Planet to reading about UFOs. He’ll explore cryptozoology books but will also pick up Level 1 reads about Darth Vader. It’s a continuous tug-of-war between childhood and the approach of something greater—definitely not adulthood, but my baby is maturing.
Being nine years old can be quite fun. I have a constant companion to discuss everything from politics to social issues. However, I also have a tornado of emotions at home, expressing his frustration with cries of hatred. He wants to share my favorite TV shows and books, but also tests my patience over trivial matters, like letting the dogs inside. Living with him feels unpredictable, like a volcano ready to erupt. All we can do is ensure he’s not hungry, thirsty, or tired—much like a toddler.
Taking care of a 9-year-old is surprisingly similar to managing a 2-year-old in that regard. If I survived those earlier years, I can surely navigate this phase too. At least this time, he has opinions on artists like David Bowie.
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Summary
Navigating the tumultuous age of nine can feel like a rollercoaster, combining moments of joy and deep frustration. Children at this stage wrestle with their identities, oscillating between wanting to be treated like little kids and pushing for the independence of teenagers. While communication and understanding are vital, patience remains key as they navigate their emotions and development.