Ah, bedtime—the ultimate showdown between parents and their little ones. By the time toddlers reach age two, they should be well-versed in the art of delaying sleep. Follow my tried-and-true methods, and before you know it, you’ll find yourself postponing bedtime by a glorious forty-five minutes. With some finesse, you’ll be indulging in midnight snacks, watching questionable late-night sketch comedies, and ordering cozy blankets off those infomercials in no time!
LESSON ONE: TURN PJs INTO A CHALLENGE
Sprint around the house like a wild animal. If a parent tries to catch you, go completely limp, transforming into a 1000-pound toddler. Even if they manage to get your clothes off, don’t let that stop you—make a break for it, naked and free!
LESSON TWO: A SUDDEN LOVE FOR FOOD
This tactic works best if you’ve established a reputation for being a picky eater. Suddenly express deep interest in dinner just as the bedtime routine begins. This will leave your parents conflicted between wanting you to sleep and worrying you might starve.
LESSON THREE: TEETH BRUSHING EXTRAVAGANZA
Brush those teeth like you’re training for a marathon. Request more toothpaste, switch toothbrushes, and run the water endlessly. If you feel your teeth need extra scrubbing, simply start the whole process over. You know how to drag this out!
LESSON FOUR: THE GREAT BLANKET HIDE AND SEEK
Gather as many comfort items as possible—your favorite blankie, a beloved stuffed animal, and a sippy cup. About an hour before bedtime, hide them throughout the house. Precious minutes will be gained as your parents embark on a frantic search, fully aware that you won’t sleep without them.
LESSON FIVE: BOOK SELECTION STRATEGY
When it’s time for bedtime stories, stand frozen in front of your bookshelf, paralyzed by indecision. If your parent offers two books, counter with a request for three, or four! Always aim for the longest story, or if you’re feeling bold, choose the book with those endless “look and see” flaps. They’ll take forever to get through!
LESSON SIX: TIME TO SHINE
All day, your parents have been trying to engage you, but you’ve been in your own world. Now, put on your sweetest smile and unleash your vocabulary. Sing a catchy tune, say “I love you,” and make it as challenging as possible for your parent to leave the room.
LESSON SEVEN: THE FINAL BATTLE
Once you’re picked up to be placed in your crib, your stalling time is limited. You can wriggle, arch your back, and protest, but you really have two choices—accept your fate or dramatically call out to your parent as they head for the door.
My advice? Don’t resist the inevitable. You’ve done a fantastic job today, and tomorrow is always another opportunity to perfect your stalling skills. Sleep well, little ones!
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Summary:
This article provides a humorous yet insightful look into the various strategies toddlers employ to delay bedtime. From turning PJs into a game to negotiating book selections, these lessons highlight the clever tactics toddlers use to ensure their parents are kept on their toes during the nightly routine.