As any parent of a high school senior can attest, the college admissions process is a true test of endurance. It can put a strain on the parent-child relationship that has developed over the past 18 years. The stress can transform what once felt like a strong bond into a source of tension, making you wonder if things will ever return to normal. Adding to the complexity is the looming reality of physical and emotional distance that will soon come.
One day during my daughter Mia’s senior year, I decided to divert our focus from college applications and essays to something more enjoyable—the summer before college.
“Mia, what do you think you want to do this summer?”
She paused and, with a hint of teenage sass, replied, “I don’t know, but I’ve heard the summer before college is supposed to be the best summer of my life.”
That caught me off guard. “The best summer of her life?” What did that entail? Would she be sleeping in, hanging out with friends, and avoiding family as much as possible?
I reflected on my own summer before college, where I spent my days as a counselor at a local day camp, driving kids around and enjoying the occasional flirty interaction with fellow counselors. While I loved spending time with friends at the beach, I didn’t prioritize bonding with my parents, assuming they would always be there as my friends and I ventured off in different directions.
So where did Mia get this notion of a “best summer”? I didn’t want to dismiss her excitement, so I let the conversation fade. Eventually, after the stress of college applications had eased, she brought it up again, mentioning a story she read about a mother-daughter duo who traveled together. She wanted to create special memories and thought traveling would be the perfect way to ensure that.
In that moment, I felt a mix of shock and joy—my daughter was actually asking to spend time with me! However, I also wondered if I was contradicting all the parenting advice I had absorbed about giving children space and allowing them to grow independent. But I chose to embrace this opportunity; she was leaving home soon, and I wanted to savor any time she offered me.
Then came the exciting part—she wanted to be the one in charge of planning our trip. She decided on Spain, researching cities, sights, and restaurants while I became her eager sidekick. I didn’t speak Spanish, so I relied on her to translate, an unusual role reversal for us.
We spent our days traveling between cities, reading books like Glitter and Glue and The Joy Luck Club, which perfectly complemented our journey. Our evenings were filled with discussions about the complexities of mother-daughter relationships, and I cherished watching Mia transition from a teenager into an independent young adult capable of navigating foreign landscapes.
One night, we dined at an outdoor café where she asked me about my college experiences, seeking advice on how to make the most of her own journey. We talked about balancing fun without losing control, working hard while avoiding obsession with grades, and setting meaningful life goals. That night, we stayed up late reminiscing over childhood photos—a joy that I will always treasure.
As summer came to a close, the days flew by, and soon we found ourselves in her new dorm room, hugging and saying goodbye. I made sure to leave a photo of us from our trip, taken in Barcelona, as a reminder of our special time together.
You don’t need a European getaway to create lasting memories with your child; even a weekend camping trip or a simple day out can be meaningful. It’s essential to carve out special moments before they embark on their college journey. For now, Mia considers our summer travels as the best of her life, but I know she is just beginning to create her own adventures. For me, it certainly ranks high among my most cherished summers, allowing us to connect and making the impending separation a little less painful.
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In summary, the last summer before college is a precious opportunity for parents and children to connect, share experiences, and create lasting memories. Whether through travel or simple outings, taking the time to bond can strengthen relationships before the inevitable changes that come with college life.